Kristen has the super fun idea to use Works For Me Wednesday this week to share a post from the year we really want people to read. Well I had trouble narrowing it down. Not because my posts are so great, but because after going back through the year I had some posts that stuck out as ones that were really special to me. But instead of just linking to a bunch of posts I thought I would republish one and link to a few others. I picked a post titled Inadequacy. Partly because it seemed to really resonate with people, but also because although I still most definitely have days like this, I was encouraged to remember that I don’t always have days like this. So there is, in fact, hope.
You have those weeks too right? Where you feel like you are subpar in just about every area of your life? Subpar homemaker, subpar friend, subpar wife, and subpar mother. Definitely subpar mother.
It is time for my kids to go back to school. Well from my perspective anyway. And probably theirs too. But according to the great state of Michigan it isn’t time yet. Despite the fact the rest of the country is heading back, we have to wait three more weeks. Until September. It is getting unbearable.
And so we go round in circles getting frustrated with each other. Me trying to remember the rules of parenting: don’t raise your voice, don’t argue, don’t lose your temper, don’t overreact. They doing everything in their power to push every button I have. It leaves me exhausted, depleted, and feeling like I really should have this parenting thing figured out by now.
The thing about these phases of parenting is that you are not just left questioning how you are parenting today. You are left questioning every parenting decision you have ever made up until today that has, in fact, led you to today. Maybe if I was a bit more strict when she was 3, maybe I over indulged when she was 4, maybe I shouldn’t have sent her on to Kindergarten when she was 5. Maybe, maybe, maybe… if I just would have done that one thing different/better/perfect we wouldn’t be dealing with bad attitudes/ungratefulness/mean spiritedness today.
I am left doing the thing every older, wiser parent tells you not to do. Wishing away the time. Wishing the weeks until school started would go faster. Wishing this age would be done with so an easier one would come (ha), or at the very least wishing 5:30 would come already so it can be their daddy’s problem. And then hating myself all over again because surely a “good” mommy would never wish away a moment with her child. I have even found myself thinking that I should just focus on the baby since he hasn’t been “messed up” by my inadequate parenting. Maybe I can do it right with him.
I have no answers. No epiphany. No neat way to wrap up this post. This is just where I am at right now. And that is ok. I know it isn’t forever.
And one just for fun (seriously, click, you won’t regret)
Hopefully you will click around. And feel free to play along. Leave a link to your favorite post from the year in the comments so I can come read!
This post is linked up to Works For Me Wednesday at We Are That Family.