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When God Shows Off

  I am not a person who likes to share deep and personal things. Talking about my digestive habits and those of my immediate family, no problem. But touchy feely. Barf. So it is with that caveat I will share my deepest emotions. Keeping my barf bag handy.

I have been a little down lately. Just feeling inadequate in a whole host of ways. Like I am not a great mom, wife, housekeeper, friend, Christian, gym rat (definitely inadequate at that last one). Still dominating the coupon game and make a pretty decent dinner, but lunch often kicks my you know what. Anyway, I have been irritable which makes me snap at my hubby and yell at my kids further deepening the shame spiral (actually I am not on a spiral, but I just wanted to say shame spiral).

Well, it all came to a head yesterday when I had a little breakdown on the way to teach communication and conflict resolution at marriage prep. A breakdown which resulted in the hubby and I briefly not speaking on the way to teach communication and conflict resolution at marriage prep. A breakdown which resulted in some serious conflict on the way to teach…well you get the irony.

I realized that I am just burnt out as a mom. Sick of the groundhog day life. Sick of feeling under appreciated (which I am not), sick of cleaning a room only to have it messy 2 seconds later. Sick of feeling like I am doing nothing to make a difference in anything. I realize that none of this is true (well the clean house thing is), but I felt like it was.

Amazingly enough after getting it all of my chest last night, I immediately felt better. So sometimes talking about it does make a difference. Barf.

I knew this wonderful, Godly woman when I lived in Chicago who unfortunately battled breast cancer and lost. She was in her early 40s and had always wanted to get married and have a family, but it hadn’t happened. Then she got cancer. But in the midst of her treatments and health decline she met a man, fell in love and got married. She used to call that God showing off. Answering our prayers above and beyond

Today, I opened my mail and found a book called The Mommy Diaries. Here is part of what it says on the back

The Mommy Diaries is a collection of encouraging, heartwarming, and funny true stories from moms just like you. These honest and open reflections on mothering will help you rediscover yourself amidst the demands of motherhood.

I hadn’t ordered it. I guess I got it cause I am in MOPS. The point is I hadn’t ordered it, I wasn’t expecting it. So for me, it was a gift. An answer to a prayer I hadn’t really even prayed. It was God….showing off.

Comments

  1. Hannah says:

    I just have to say that I was feeling very similarly the past few days and had a somewhat similar meltdown. Although I wasn’t on my way to teach communication and conflict resolution at marriage prep. haha It’s amazing how God gives us exactly what we need when we need it!

  2. Wonderful post! And it sounds like you’ve got communication and conflict resolution pretty figured out, actually! Hang in there–I think that the shame spiral, whether it’s really a spiral or not, is just a hazard of what we’re doing, you know?

    Beckys last blog post..Candy, Candy, Candy I Can’t Let You Go

  3. I have found that when God shows off, I am terribly grateful, but humbled at the same time. Funny how that works sometimes.

  4. Wow! As I was reading your post, it was almost like I was speaking myself. I have been feeling the exact same way. It was reassuring that I am not the only one that feels that way at times. It certainly gets frustrating and I often feel like I don’t really have a right to feel those feelings. Am I making you want to use the barf bag? Thanks for the great post! I too got the book in the mail yesterday, but, everytime I glanced over at it on the counter, I felt that I had other things to check off my list before I could sit and peek inside at what the book held between its pages. Today, thanks to you, I will make an effort to look inside. Thanks again! Hope your day is great!

  5. I believe yelling can be a form of prayer! He obviously heard you because he sent a very nice peace offering…nice post! :)

    Jackies last blog post..She Saves a Butterfly

  6. Makes it even better when we realize it’s God showing off! Hope today is a better day!

    Donielle @ Raising Peanutss last blog post..Rattle Cube baby toy Giveaway!

  7. “God showing off” I love that. I hope you feel encouraged and are having a better day.

    Tree Climbing Moms last blog post..One more note about Obi Wan-da’s birthday

  8. I think you were speaking on behalf of most of the mothering population. I know I often feel the same way and usually not on the same day so it spreads out the guilt and shame. Thanks for being open and honest.

    But in the end, I am glad that God showed off, I am so thankful He does that. Just proves, He’s watching us individually. I hope things are better today.

    Valeries last blog post..Potty Vingette #3

  9. I think God shows off all around us–we just don’t always notice. He is amazing.

  10. Here’s another mama feeling the same way…just as you and many of your readers. The last week I’ve felt like here we go again…same thing, different day. 2 children off to school….2 that stay at home. Some days it’s just so overwelming. Not that they are being bad, or naughty…just wow, here we go doing the same thing I just did yesterday. I also feel guilty for feeling this way, because it’s all I ever wanted to do in life was be a mama. And here some of my good friends struggle to even have children. I think so many of these feelings come from the change of weather and having to be inside more. Knowing that we will soon have snow, making us be inside even more. And Hello, If your a stay at home mama like me, your on a budget…so trying to find things to do outside the home without spending money is hard to.

    Thanks for being so real. Thanks for showing me I’m not alone. I too have been super grouchy with my hubby, And the more I want to be nice the more the ugly comes out. Well honestly, I haven’t really tried to be nice.

    O.k. I have to stop blogging on your blog. Love your post, I subscribe, so it was a “God showing off” moment in a small way to see your email that you had a new post. Thank you!

    Heathers last blog post..breakfast almost in bed

  11. I often feel the same way. I know there are a lot of Moms who often feel this way. Being a Mommy is hard job but we are very lucky.

    Sarah VMs last blog post.."Not Me Monday"

  12. Sorry that you were feeling that way:( But I am glad God cheered you up! I obviously have never felt that way, yet… but I know my mom felt that way a lot. Just know that lots of people think you are a wonderful mommy, Christian, and a great example of a loving wife.

  13. Jen@BigBinder says:

    What an awesome encouragement (for you from God, and from you to us). I didn’t know you ever felt inadequate at anything. God’s been working on me lately about some similar stuff – it’s nice when he picks an area of the country to stir up and we’re in it :)

    Jen@BigBinders last blog post..Oohh! St. LOU!

  14. ok jill I have decided that you and I are probably so alike it’s scary. like you, I don’t like to use my blog to vent or complain or get too emotionally open. but like you, some weeks I just feel like I am failing on every.single.level: work, mommying, godliness, cleanliness, wifery, etc. you should know that even in your post here, you have wrestled these issues with a sense of humor – and for that, you rock my face off.

    you and I will never be alike enough that I will brush my hair every day and put on makeup, though. [shudders.]

    I hope that you get some time this evening to enjoy a chocolate bath and your new book. (fter the lunches for tomorrow are packed, of course.) hang in there!

    Erin Gs last blog post..Simon and Nathan

  15. beautiful! i love it when God does that stuff, just cause he is COOL, just cause HE LOVE US, just cause YOU are his pretty pretty princess!!!
    awesome stuff! thanks for sharing!!

    Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!s last blog post..It is Finished.

  16. We all get to feeling that way at one time or another. I’m glad you got something to help you through your down times. He was looking out for you and He always will!

    Nancy M.s last blog post..Giveaway-Basket of Indulgence

  17. I love how she (and you) put that: God showing off. I guess He does so in a million ways every day, but sometimes we don’t have eyes to see.

    What perfect timing for you to recognize His hand in your life with this little love gift. Especially while you were feelin’ all touchy-feely :).

    He’s got a sense of humor, too ;).

    Robin ~ PENSIEVEs last blog post.."Your mom likes to take artistic pictures, doesn’t she?"

  18. Well, hello there. Sorry I’ve been a stranger! Such a perfect post for me, Jill! I needed that and I need to find that book! We are currently living with my parents waiting for our house to sell in the town we just moved from. Talk about feeling inadequate, etc. My mom is a perfectionist and I feel like I just kind of roam around these days with nothing *important* to do. UGH! Thanks for the encouragement!

    If you haven’t seen Fireproof yet, I suggest HIGHLY that you do. It was fabulous and another great uplift!

    Thanks again!

    Devions last blog post..

  19. I’m not sure how I missed this when you first posted it (I am a wee bit behind on my reader!) but I’m glad you linked to it. I love those times when God gives us something we need so desperately and catches us off guard. I’m sure it happens all the time, if I would just pay attention. Great post.

    debbies last blog post..Another bad mothering confession

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