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What they never tell you

pregnant.jpg I am surrounded by pregnant people. Seriously, they are everywhere. Between my Mom’s club group and MOPS, there is almost a new announcement weekly. Is there something in the water. My friend recently announced on her blog that she is expecting and is looking for only the positive stories of pregnancy and child birth. She should seriously stay away from any woman who has ever given birth cause don’t we just love to tell our pregnancy and birth horror stories. I am not really sure why that is, but I find it to be universal in groups of mommies no matter how well I know them.

So Heather, avert your eyes

  1. I got heartburn like crazy. My biggest pregnancy craving, Mexican food. How horribly unfair is that?? You know what I learned though? Ice cream really helps with heartburn. Preferably ice cream from Dairy Queen with chunks of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups in it. Hmmm, this could be why I get the size of a house when I am preggo.
  2. You know how they say that when you get pregnant your hair will get thicker and maybe even change texture. Like curly will become straight, or straight curly. My hair actually thickened with each pregnancy and has stayed a bit thicker. Which is a sad testimony to just how thin my hair was before I had kids. What they don’t tell you is that you get hairy in other weirder places. Me, I got a hairy belly. Which went nicely with the stretch marks.
  3. My feet have grown a whole half size since having kids. This really stunk with Lily who is a fall baby because the feet growth was accompanied majorly swollen ankles that summer. My goodness do I sound sexy! Thank God for flip flops. Now I kind of have one foot that is a 6 1/2 and one that is a 7. Lovely.
  4. You know how towards the end of your pregnancy, well meaning, lovely people keep saying “Sleep now, cause once the baby comes….” Yeah, you stop sleeping well about month 7. Between the constant need to pee in the night and the complete inability to get comfortable and the constant fear you might roll over onto your back therefore cutting off all blood supply to your lower half and paralyzing you for life…and the fact that your hubby has STOLEN your body pillow, sleep isn’t really happening.
  5. You know that scene in City Slickers when Billy Crystal is helping to birth Norman and he loses his watch. Yeah, that happens at the doctor several times in the weeks leading up to birth. There ain’t no epidural for that. Then that unpleasantness is quickly replaced by elation when she tells you that you are beginning to dialate and efface. You go home and tell your hubby to be in constant contact cause this baby could come any second. Weeks later, you realize your doctor is just messing with you so they have something to laugh about with the other OBs. Those numbers don’t mean jack.
  6. You pay pee your pants a little…that might never get better.
  7. The big boobs…oh wait that part is awesome. Except they are dwarfed by your gigantic belly and they soon will resemble a deflated balloon. So, not so awesome after all.

You know what else they don’t tell you? That you will love that baby sooo much that you will forget all of it the second she is in your arms. And that you will possibly even want to do it all over again.

This post is for a contest going on right now over at the Parent Bloggers Network. They are partnering with Discovery Health to promote “Deliver Me” a new docu-drama on the Discovery Health Channel. Head over there for info on how to enter.

Comments

  1. Seriously, it is so entertaining to trade pregnancy/labor war stories. But I”m pretty sure I didn’t care before!
    1. I lived on Tums.
    2. My hair has just started the falling out. It is so ridiculous. It did get less oily so that I didn’t need to wash it every day. That was nice.
    4. I slept amazingly until the last two weeks. No waking up until then. Sorry.
    5. I found the pain of getting “checked” to be horrid. I really hated that part…not to mention the annoyance of it all.
    6. Yeah. Try having to jump up and down for your job. That rules.
    7. Yep, liking that part still. Except for the let down. No one told me that hurts. Not my favorite.

    (8) It took more than a second. I have to be honest, I felt like I wasn’t really able to appreciate and love my baby girl until many hours after she popped out. But the longer I have her the more willing I am to start to want another one someday…I will definitely say now that she was totally worth it.

  2. Yep, completely and totally worth every little (and not so little) thing.

  3. I LOVE hearing other peoples stories. Maybe I’ll blog my own 3 pregnancies one day.

    My feet went from a size 7 to…one foot is an 8 and the other a 7 1/2….which I really didn’t mind. Just gave me a legitimate excuse to get new shoes. =)

  4. Kristi says:

    Too funny! My hair has gotten darker with each baby. Really…I used to be blonde. Oh Anne, that letdown thing, that hurt for me with my first. It did eventually get better. With my first I lost 13lbs in 4 weeks, the only thing I could keep down was watermelon. Go figure. Fortunaltely I had really short deliveries because I suffered through the first part of each one. Jesse says we’ll adopt if we ever decide to have a fourth. I think that is just because he’s tired of looking at my baby body 21/2 years post baby. Seriously..what is it with baby #3. But I love these guys and it was absolutely worth all the hard stuff.

  5. There are pregnant women all around me again too. I thought it was bad when i was pregnant with my Lucy. She’s 16 mos. but now i’m pregnant again. 4mos along and EVERYONE is pregnant around me. It’s so much fun.

    I had such a life changing experience in so many different ways with my first pregnancy, i just think it is such a wonderful time to work thru stuff that you put off any other time. – And no i don’t mean weight loss.. I had a lot of fears of being a mother, pregnancy and delivery. I was really able to learn to trust Jesus with these fears and i was really able to prepare myself for her coming in many ways – not just buying diapers. I have never been thru anything so emotional, spiritual, physical in my life.

    We just got done with a 3 week preggo prayer group at church. There were a total of 7 of us the highest week and i know of tons of others that couldn’t make it. We prayed thru our fears and specific things for our babies. It was such a great time. Nothing like the chemistry with pregnant women. It’s like a chatty sorority. And everyone that has been there before loves to share their stories too.

    I am thankful that (don’t hate me) i had an amazing pregnancy – fat and happy. a great delivery – i was that lady getting wheeled out looking at my husband, “can we do that again?” Nursing was amazing. when my milk came in and i didn’t even know it! (let down was a killer tho) and being Lucy’s mom has been one of the best things for me. I feel like a better version of myself. Course there was hard stuff that happen too, sleepless nights, peeing myself, but i am one of those who forgot the pain when i saw her..

    Thanks for your post, you always make me laugh out loud!

  6. This was a great post! I’m preggo with #2 right now and I love hearing what other people went through. At least your DH STOLE your body pillow and didn’t complain about it hogging the bed!

  7. Very funny and true. I’m currently 4 days overdue, so I am in the thick (and fat) of it all right now. I will say that our sleep number bed has made sleeping so much better with this pregnancy than my first one, but it hasn’t helped with the whole baby laying on your bladder thing.

    A highlight of this pregnancy has been doing the ob/gyn exams with my 2 year old in the room asking ‘what she doing’ over and over.

  8. Heather says:

    Hmm…well, i did read through your list – it’s kind of like a car accident, you just can’t look away.

    i would still like to explore WHY women love to share their worst stories…this fascinates me.

    BUT – i will say what you shared isn’t so bad. i just kind of look at those things as part of the package. making a whole person isn’t easy work – i’m still amazed we stay in one piece throughout the process…

  9. Sally says:

    You forgot the “muffin top!” But I’d do it again in spite of it all!!

  10. Preach it sista!! I had heartburn so bad with my second that I went on prescription heartburn meds. When I found out I was pregnant with my third I told my OB to give me the prescription that day.

    My feet are a whole size bigger and I can’t get pregnant again because I’m already a size 10!!

    I can so relate to the not getting any sleep thing too. I had to go the bathroom at least 10 times a night. It was non-stop. I’m surprised that there’s not a hole in the carpet from my side of the bed to the bathroom – I was always making a trip.

  11. Before I got pregnant, I thought that all the story sharing was part of some weird one-upmanship kind of contest. After I got pregnant, I couldn’t wait to tell my horror stories and try to make them funny. Well, not all of them, there’s nothing funny about hemroids.

  12. Very well said! I agree you forget about it. And that is why I have 4 kids :)

  13. And this is why pregnancy is a long ways off for me. I gotta get rid of my non-pregnant boobs before I can add any on. I’m not looking forward to it, isn’t there some way to have your own child without being pregnant. There should be.

  14. Being pregnant with my 1st, and so far only, I thought it was sooo weird that moms just opened up and told everything like that! I mean, who goes around talking about their cervix, and boob engorgement and what happened to all their private parts during delivery? Now I know. Since you no longer feel the pain, it can actually be fun to reminisce. :-) In the day by day pregnancy is hard, but overall it’s great.

  15. I TOTALLY agree with you on the ice cream helps with the heartburn thing! I can’t believe how much it seems to calm it down- and I find that I eat A LOT more in one sitting than I do when I’m not pregnant. So the weight gain isn’t so much a suprise to me either! :) I love your blog, it’s great!
    Lisa

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