HOME ABOUT SPEAKING DISCLOSURE SUBSCRIBE

What I’m Reading

This post still has me thinking::: Do we really love people who aren’t Christian?

This is a long video, but brilliant. And a must watch if you have girls::: Flawed

This makes my head spin. I weep for the future::: Discipline

Has anyone read this book. I feel like I need this book::: 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

In case you missed these on the other blog:::

Managing Risk (From the Hubby)

Managing Risk (From the Wife)

Collective Impact- Making a Difference With Your Marriage

Turning Off the Drama

Comments

  1. The discipline post…I don’t like it when I see people who don’t understand the reasoning behind the method criticizing it. I don’t parent that way, although I would like to.

    Small children (under 3) have no self-control. And they aren’t capable of even developing until around 2.5. They don’t even realize they are really separate people until they are about 18 months (right when they start to say no a lot). But their “understanding” is primitive. Which means any punitive gestures largely surprise them, and don’t necessarily correct their behavior. Far better with the small ones is to redirect their attention, or simply end the activity if they are unable to continue it with “appropriate” behavior (no hitting, throwing, screaming, etc.).

    With no time-outs, it doesn’t mean no discipline. The child still has to apologize or otherwise “make it right” with the other person involved (if any). They still lose the object they have thrown, or the activity which they could not handle. They leave the play date if it is not going well. It’s not shaming, it’s quiet removal and then a calm word about what went wrong. Most kids that age act out if they are tired, hungry, frustrated anyway.

    As they get older, closer to 3/4, then the focus shifts on being in relationship with your child, knowing your child’s heart, and staying a step ahead of him/her to address problems head-on. Yes, there may be removal of privileges and other things, it’s all in the attitude with which it is handled. We have to remember, as parents, that we have bad days and we say and do things we shouldn’t. So do our kids. Do we have to punish every time? And does that really “train it out” of them? Seeing as adults behave badly all the time, regardless of how they were raised…no. We’re all human. We need to extend a little grace.

    As for playing alone, that’s an entirely different thing than isolation through punishment. Engaging a child in an activity and walking away is good, fun. Or simply offering a choice of activities and letting them go to it. They’re not “isolated” or shamed and there’s no anger there. There’s a really big difference.

    Hence…I wish people who didn’t understand the method wouldn’t criticize it. There’s just so much more to it than “don’t punish.” There’s still a LOT of hands-on training…and plenty of self-directed play too. It’s aimed at teaching a child to internally direct his/her behavior, without the need for outside correction/punishment. And isn’t that every parent’s ultimate goal?
    Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama recently posted…Why Women Choose Home Birth (and Real Health Issues)My Profile

    • i am actually not criticizing the method. I talk it out with my kids all the time. My frustration is with the criticism of the time out. As Sarah says in her comment I just don’t think there is a one size fits all discipline for my kids. I have a large bag of tricks and I know my kids well enough to know what works in what situation. And time outs work in some situations. I do a lot of the things you mentioned but I am just frustrated at the whole self esteem thing. i am watching the current crop of young people grow up whose self esteem was valued above all else and seeing a lot of narcisstic nightmares.

  2. That video was really beautiful.

    As for the discipline, I can see where Kate is coming from {that it’s not necessarily “don’t punish” but a different form of training}. But, I also see the harm in saying that time outs are now “bad” for kids. In so many ways it’s just one more step to removing the parents ability to discipline, which is down right ridiculous, IMO. Discipline looks different per family and per child. How I discipline my 4 yo is different in ways than I discipline my 2.5 yo. With my 4 yo, time outs are some of the most effective form of punishment. She tends to “lose control” and literally can’t stop crying. We’ve tried getting ahead of the emotion, redirecting, etc. But it doesn’t always work. And the crying goes on anywhere from 5-45 minutes. No amount of talking {calmly, or frankly not calmly} will snap her out of it. She literally can’t stop. And in those moments, the only thing to be done is to remove her and put her in time out. She needs it.

    My 2.5 yo looks at time out as a free for all. She is much better at handling being alone, and sees time out as play time, thus eliminating the reason for time out. Ha! So, we have other methods for her.
    Sarah recently posted…Spring Break and SXSWMy Profile

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge