The Work of Marriage

Young couple  in bed, toned black and white effect, vignette.

It was the last day of another round of marriage preparation classes today. We always end our class with a marriage panel made up of couples with different experiences who have been married different lengths of time. The class asks questions and we, as leaders, ask a few questions during the two hour class. I always leave the class renewed and inspired.

It is always a challenge as instructors to walk the line between making sure the young and in love understand how much work goes into a good marriage and not scaring them half to death.

But the fact is more young couples with stars in their eyes need to pause in the whirlwind of planning their weddings and plan their marriages. I have read that Kim Kardashian’s marriage is on the rocks. All that money spent on a ridiculous lavish affair and very little time and effort put into the marriage.

Granted, that is a  celebrity marriage and I read the information in a tabloid-esque magazine, but I think far too many of us go into marriage thinking once we are married all the stuff that frustrates us while we are dating will magically right itself. And then it is just coasting into happily ever after.

Marriage takes constant time and attention. And as my pastor is fond of reminding us, “Do you know what I have to do to let my marriage go downhill? Nothing.” Nothing.

So yes marriage IS hard work. But hard work doesn’t mean it isn’t fulfilling, wonderful, and honestly, incredibly fun. Yes some of that work is having difficult conversations, forgiving hard things, sacrificing your wants and needs and putting up with annoying habits. But sometimes that hard work means going on regular dates, remembering to laugh with each other and making sure you have lots of good sex.

And if all that work means that when I am old and gray I get to spend my last days with my best friend, then that is the kind of “work” I can sign up for. Don’t give up when your marriage gives up. The sweetest times are on the other side.


  1. We are helping to facilitate a marriage class at church this semester. Yesterday the topic of discussion was conflict. At one point, the class leader said “Sometimes having conflict in your marriage will bring you closer than any other time.” I thought that was crazy at first {who wants conflict?!}, but then realized that when we work through the hard time {TOGETHER} and really put in the effort to make our marriage work, then conflict can only stand to strengthen our relationship and pull us closer to one another.

    Marriage is hard work. But it’s work worth working for.

    • I don’t trust couples that say they never have conflict. Someone isn’t being real if that is the case. I completely agree with your leader. The tough times totally make you stronger.

  2. Dwija {House Unseen} says:

    This is a great post. We’ve been married for 11 years and it is a fact that after each valley, the next peak is always higher than the last. Coming through diversity together puts us on the same team. I love being part of a forever team!
    Dwija {House Unseen} recently posted…First Piano Performance at BCreative LaunchMy Profile

  3. Emerald says:

    I’ve only been married for almost 2 years now. We’re having our 2nd year anniversary on the 25th of November. I agree that with conflict, we tend to bond of our bond even gets stronger. If we have a fight, we make sure that before the day ends we’re done with it.
    Emerald recently posted…Alcohol Course, Responsible Service of Alcohol CourseMy Profile

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