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The Other Proverbs Wife- Marriage, Unwrapped

Young couple  in bed, toned black and white effect, vignette.

You don’t have to be a Christian woman very long before you start hearing about the Proverbs 31 wife. You know the one who plants and weaves and gets up before the sun so that her children and husband will rise and call her blessed. Do you hate her just a little? I call my day as a wife successful when nobody yells at anyone and at least half the laundry is folded and put away.

But there is another woman that is mentioned in Proverbs far more than the one that is worth more than rubies.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife Prov. 21:9

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife Prov. 21:19

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day Prov. 27:15

I fear far too many of us are more likely to resemble that wife than the one in chapter 31 on any given day. Especially since many versions translate quarrelsome as nagging. Feeling convicted yet?

Here is what I have been thinking about lately. The God of the Universe chose to include a bunch of verses (I didn’t even post them all above) about nagging wives in the Bible. I am 100% confident that was not by accident. I am pretty sure he was not thinking, “well women don’t really do this, but I will put it in there for the select few who might need to hear this word.”

I am thinking he put these verse in there because as women one of the married languages we speak most fluently is nagging.

Honey could you take out the trash?

Sweetheart, the trash is still here and is getting full.

Why is the trash still here?

Ok seriously, is the trash going to take out itself?

Is it possible that the reason God took such care to talk about the nagging wife because by nagging we are slowly chipping away at our marriage. Maybe our husbands won’t literally go live in a desert or to the corner of the roof, but they might retreat to the TV a little bit more, stay at work a little bit longer, or engage a little bit less in conversation.

Isn’t the very thing most women crave in marriage connection and communication? How is it that we think our nagging is going to get us there? What if instead our marriage was marked by this verse?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Eph. 4:29

I think our marriages would flourish. I think our husbands would thrive, communication would improve, and intimacy would increase. I want my husband to spend his day anxious to come home to his family because he knows we are in his corner and that home is a place of refuge from the stress of work. I want to be the person he shares his deepest dreams and desires. I want to be his biggest cheerleader. Don’t you want that for your marriage?

So this week let your words be one that build your hubby up. It is national no nagging your husband week. Cause I said so. Don’t make me take all my nagging urges out on you!!

You can find all the Marriage, Unwrapped posts here.

Comments

  1. Love!! Just the reminder I needed at the beginning of a new week! Thanks!
    Kandi recently posted…Friends that help us thruMy Profile

  2. It’s on. I’ll take the challenge. And my biggest, very nearly daily, nag actually is about taking the trash out. I can only hope the trash learns to take itself out.

    • Me too, Peggy. Jill, care to write a post about how to sweetly encourage our husbands to take the trash out? Mine seriously waited over a week until the garage stunk to high heaven before taking it to the dumpster. I’d gladly do it if it weren’t physically impossible for me to (requires manuevering around a shed and over a fence…I’m only 5′ tall). And this from a nearly-PERFECT-in-every-other-way-husband/father. I’m at a loss.
      Emily Kay recently posted…Lists and SchedulesMy Profile

      • Honestly, these things are a mystery to me. There are a few things in our marriage that are the same way and I just don’t get it. I have found however that praising the CRAP out of my hubby when he does actually do those things that he sometimes neglects goes a very long way.

    • Wouldn’t THAT be an answer to prayer ;)

  3. Great word! I admit I was a little nervous as I started reading the first paragraph, but then I realized where you were going and totally jumped on board! ;-) Right on!
    Kristi recently posted…Multitude MondayMy Profile

  4. Awesome, Jill. Of course I never nag…but I’m sure other people needed to hear this.

    *blush*
    oh amanda recently posted…Bring The AwesomeMy Profile

  5. Wow! Great post Jill! Gives me some serious food for thought.
    Sarah recently posted…Austin’s Snowpocalypse 2011My Profile

  6. Excellent post… Thanks for the food for thought.
    Damsel recently posted…Menu Plan Monday February 7My Profile

  7. Exchanging the “meh” nag for more “awesome” encouraging words this week!
    Thanks so much, Chickadee!
    QuatroMama recently posted…If You Give Sick Kids a Cupcake…My Profile

  8. Very good post. Thanks for the reminder.
    Kara @ Just1Step recently posted…Menu Time 3611My Profile

  9. BeyondTired says:

    I think marriages would flourish if both parties did this for each other. No matter how accommodating I become the marriage would crumble if my husband did not put forth just as much effort. To me, it’s not about not nagging my husband but about treating him as I want to be treated. No one wants to be nagged, but no one wants their requests ignored either. If my request to take the garbage out was ignored then it’s quite likely a request from him could be answered in the same fashion. Neither response promotes harmony in the marriage. As long as you each put the other first, think of how your decisions and reactions effect your spouse, your marriage should be one of happiness and not discord. Anywho, I’ll stop here with my rambling.

    • Completely agree. Unfortunately the more we nag the more they tune out. It is a vicious cycle with no end. But yes, a marriage marked by both people putting forth equal effort is one that is most likely going to succeed.

      • BeyondTired says:

        I guess my issue is using the stereotype of a nagging wife to illustrate how to promote a happier marriage. I’m no more the nagging wife than my husband is some brutish workaholic oaf who tunes out his wife and kids. Where are the husbands in this picture? Do they not have equal responsibility in a marriage? Why is it assumed the wife is the nagger, cause of discord and the husband inept at communication? Good gracious, if this is the majority of marriages, it’s no surprise the divorce rate is so high.

        • Actually I was making the point that God said women are prone to nagging. Otherwise he wouldn’t have put so many verses in the bible about it. That was my point. It wasn’t sterotyping at all.

          I am not at all trying to imply that women are responsible for the happiness of their marriages, but yes, the series is geared towards women because as far as I know, outside of my dad and husband, there aren’t a whole lot of men reading my blog. So I am not planning on writing any posts geared towards things husbands can do. I do believe that all wives can benefit from changing their own negative behaviors for the betterment of their marriage.

          And by the responses to this post for a lot of women that includes nagging. Either way, the main point of the post was about God’s purpose in including so many verses in the bible about it. There are a ton of verses in the bible about husbands as well. Not all of them are going to be applicable to everyone, but they are there for a reason and that was my point.

  10. Just in time for Valentine’s Day! The gift here was talking to Adam about whether I do this often… it’s nice to hear that out of all my faults and failures, nagging isn’t at the top of the list. I love being able to talk with him about anything… especially in areas where I need to grow as a wife and mother.

  11. BeyondTired says:

    Can’t seem to find the reply button under your response. I understand. I dont completely agree but that most likely comes from my view of the Bible…which would take a novel to write. Suffice it go say, one of my favorite college courses was New Testament as Lit taught by a great Jesuit priest. Changed how I interpret the Bible completely. I do enjoy your blog. Thanks for an interesting read.

  12. What a great reminder. This is a subject that not many Proverbs Wife bloggers want to talk about because it often comes to close to home. While we can’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s home God and each of us does. If we are not striving to be more peaceable, humble and quiet and home we are not fooling our families even if we do fool our readers. I’ve shared mu view on this topic here http://aproverbswife.com/?s=arguing and how I had to overcome being a nagging wife.
    Saidah@AProverbsWife.com recently posted…FREE American Baby Magazine 1-Year SubscriptionMy Profile

  13. Me and hubby have been married 30 years this June. I don’t nag like I used to. I figured it out it didn’t work. Now we try to speak kindly and honestly about what we want instead of stewing about unmet expectations.
    Great post about the *other* woman in the book of Proverbs!
    Bernice
    Living the Balanced Life recently posted…Is multitasking the key to productivityMy Profile

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