The Challenge Week 9- Tell Him What You Want

1-cor-challenge How’d you do on your break? I went super easy on you last week so this week we are jumping back in with a vengeance. This happens to be one of my personal faves cause I think it is essential for the long haul of a good sex life in marriage. So I am excited to hear what you all think.

It doesn’t take a woman very much time around men to discover that they aren’t too great about picking up on hints. I happened to have married a rare breed of man who actually picks up on the subtle and not so subtle clues I send, but I have found that most men pretty much need things spelled out for them (phonetically). It’s not that they aren’t as bright as women (although deep down, don’t we all know the truth there?), it is just that they are much more literal, concrete thinkers.

Do you ever sit around and think, “God, honestly what were you thinking when you made us so insanely different?” Well, since he is in fact, God, I can assume he knew what he was doing. Either that or he just has a wicked sense of humor. Maybe a little of both.

Anyway, when it comes to the bedroom, if most men were honest (which they likely won’t be) they don’t really completely know what they are doing. If they do automatically know what they are doing you are either a) really blessed and should thank your lucky stars, or b) faking it. Ladies, I am here to tell you on behalf of your hubbies: STOP FAKING IT!!! You are not doing either one of you any good.

Here’s the problem with women. We are a complicated breed. What works for us one time, often doesn’t work the same way the next. Let’s be honest, men are pretty easy to figure out in the bedroom (other rooms like the bathroom with the underwear laying on the sink-not so much). Women are a big old question mark. So instead of pretending to enjoy something that frankly feels like an unpleasant visit to the gyno, help your man out. Tell him what you want and how you want it.

One more word of advice. This is not the time to audition for drill sergeant. Men don’t want to feel emasculated (thank God for spell check). Tell him gently and nicely. Sometimes you don’t even need words (figure this out for yourselves ladies, I have relatives reading this). Your hubby will be so thankful he doesn’t have to play any more guessing games and I am betting you will reap amazing rewards from your little chat fest.

I know this is a toughy, but it is week 9 ladies. Are you in?


  1. Jen@pjs-til-noon says:

    I’ve got it pretty good, but we can all use improvement, right? I’m in. I have gotten new underwear and a new nightie. Mr. Man has taken to folding laundry for me. I don’t know if the two are related, but if he is rewarded often enough…
    Love your site and the challenge.

    Jen@pjs-til-noons last blog post..Clean Sweep Amateur Hour: A heart-broken girl finds solace

  2. Kristen says:

    I have to say I lucked out in this department. My husband reads my subtle signals rather well, but I am SO GLAD you brought this up! This is the #1 problem I hear from my ladies. Great encouragement to open up & share what works for YOU!

    Kristens last blog post..I Hope You Are Too

  3. AMEN! May be uncomfortable at first, but you feel liberated once you start “guiding” a bit.

    I’ve missed several weeks of this so I’ll be catching up….

    Thanks for doing this1

    Rena Gunthers last blog post..And the Award Goes to…

  4. The other night everything came to a grinding halt when I almost hollered, “WHAT are you doing???” He insists that he’s been doing this particular thing for almost a year now and he thought I liked it. We laughed about it for the rest of the night (and daily since!). Although I really don’t think he’d been doing that for a long time, I certainly am glad I spoke up! =)

    Las last blog post..Some Links for your Sunday Afternoon Web Surfing Pleasure

  5. Okay, I’ve lucked out on this one, as Honey is pretty alert in this area and this one will be an easy week for me!

    Lynnets last blog post..I dair you to enter

  6. Awesome post – and great challenge for the week! I look forward to it!!!

    Debbies last blog post..Monday Memes – At the Well & 1 Cor. 7:5

  7. Makes me think of singing, “I’ll tell ya what I want…what I really really want…” HA HA HA! Is that going to be the next Challenge theme song?

    Bobbis last blog post..Surprise!

  8. I happen to be married to an engineer and his problem solving skills are only an asset in the bedroom… :)

  9. this was easier for me than some others. :)

    Erin Gs last blog post..Toddler on a Plane

  10. This is so true! Sex has been alot of trial and error and learn as we go for my husband and I over the years. Neither of us had any experience before we got married so we had to learn together. It took awhile for us to both figure out what I needed to enjoy our time together. I’m so thankful that he has been patient and willing to try and learn about my changing body (being pregnant and breastfeeding changes everything!). We’re really enjoying each other right now since I’m NOT pregnant or nursing for the first time in four years!

    Wanis last blog post..A Barber’s Question

  11. This is a good one. Fortunately, it isn’t really hard for either of us, as my hubby’s dad gave him a book “Intended for Pleasure” (which I totally and wholeheartedly recommend for all newlyweds) and we read most of it together on our honeymoon. It was most helpful, since we had no clue what we were doing. Among many other things, the book talked about the importance of communication. Because we needed all the advice we could get, we followed that advice quite well, and even established ‘rules’ of sorts on our honeymoon. Only later did we realize how valuable this was (Thank God for leading us!)
    Since they’re basic things and not too personal, I don’t think it would be TMI for me to share them.
    The ‘rules’ go like this: If we want something specific or we don’t want something right now, we tell each other. He doesn’t get offended or frustrated if I say, “not that, this” because it doesn’t mean he’s wrong, it just means I don’t always like the same things, and vice versa (though that seldom applies).
    And we ask the other person what they’d like, so that I don’t constantly have to tell him ‘what to do’, instead, he offers to do anything I’d like, and vice versa.

    It’s very freeing for both of us that way, even though it was a little awkward at first, and so weird to talk openly about something that had always been hush-hush.

    My hubby and I didn’t kiss or even hold hands before we got married, so we were both pretty shy… My dad, I think, was a little concerned about how we’d do in bed. (we were both really…. um, uninformed.) But honestly, we started off clueless with hardly any knowledge except what we got from talking with my parents (He gave my hubby ‘the talk’ a few weeks before we got married) and from that book. Mostly all we knew was that we’d have to communicate and be unselfish and be open to learning, and I think we did just fine :) And yes, it was fun.

    I hope that even when we’ve been married for a decade we keep the same attitude of “I don’t know it all and I’m willing to learn” And not just in the bedroom either, but in every part of our relationship.

    As I’m afraid of edging towards TMI, I better close off.

    But I thought this post was great, and probably one of the most important things so far (not that the others weren’t…)

    BTW, my husband asked on Saturday afternoon (with a mischevious smile) “hey, is that Challenge Thing still going on?” (Apparently he missed it last week, with the break, lol)

    Lanas last blog post..my childhood

  12. Great Challenge! Communication is so important, in all aspects of marriage really.

    MommyAmys last blog post..Mystery Spice Monday! #5

  13. From someone who learned this lesson about a year ago – I’m saying DO IT LADIES! You will be SOOOO thankful you did! And (if done in a constructive way) will send your man over the moon with manly pride that he can please his woman! *wink* LOL

  14. This was something that I learned earlier on…thank God! But good reminder to keep up the open communication!

    I am still really enjoying the Challenge and I look forward to Mondays :)

    Mrs. Qs last blog post..Struggling Economy….Strong Faith

  15. naomi carmen says:

    hi there, i am so glad i found you last night. i have just recently started a blog to address these type of issues and finding your challenge was like an answer to my prayers. i will totally start doing this challenge and have already posted a link to your challenge on my blog “let’s talk intimacy” at http://www.letstalkintimacy.blogspot.com. i am so glad i found a like minded friend here in the blogging world! thanks for sharing your knowlegde and passion on thsi subject with us. naomi

    naomi carmens last blog post..recipe for a strong marriage

  16. I am VERY vocal as to my likes and dislikes in the bedroom, as is he. We’re just uber-comfortable around each other, and the FIRST thing I picked up on as a married woman was that SUBTLENESS does NOT work. Lol!! If I want something (bedroom related, gift related, him to do a chore, etc.), I will come out and tell him. I don’t play guessing games, haha!

    Lois Lane IIs last blog post..Fish in a fishbowl

  17. Great post. I’m still trying to *participate*!

    We are THAT familys last blog post..Just Send Me Your Therapy Bills

  18. I’ve missed a few or more weeks *blush* but I did have a tiny chat with him last night about what *I* wanted before even reading this. So I’m in LOL! Now I need to catch up!

    Veronicas last blog post..Trouble (Wordless Wednesday)

  19. Maybe I’m an oddity, but I’ve never faked it. Or maybe I’m just too lazy? Who knows?

    Or maybe we’re just too kinky? We’re both big fans of teaching and directing, so that the experience is the most satisfying for both of us, as opposed to one having a great time and the other not.

    Anyway, I’ve never faked and we’re both quite vocal. So this is totally a challenge that I am on top of! (heh) (heh heh)

  20. I am new to the blogging world, and recently discovered your “challenge” on the double it week. I’m still playing catch up.

    Thanks for this challenge!

    Christy @ ContemplativeMoms last blog post..Migraines…

  21. I have to say that this one is pretty easy for us. We’ve always had very open lines of communication in that department and so faking it hasn’t ever been apart for us. I do feel extrememly blessed for this!

    Bries last blog post..Advancing in Life…

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