The Challenge Week 14- The Challenge Of Purity

1-cor-challenge Sorry the challenge is up a tiny bit late. I fell asleep at 9 last night and didn’t get my blogging done. This sounds much more heavenly than it is cause I was up throughout the night wide awake with my internal clock all messed up. This week’s challenge is so important to me as I have had a few close friend’s marriages literally destroyed because of this topic. Keep up all the good work ladies!

We are taking a break from giving you a challenge to work on this week. Instead I want to take a brief moment to get a bit serious and discuss a different kind of challenge. It’s the challenge of maintaining an active and exciting sex life without compromising your purity. I am going way out on a limb and way out of my comfort zone, but because I feel this is so important, I am taking that risk. I have a dear friend who just went through an ugly divorce because of a problem that I think is sadly avoided in Christian circles. In fact, her ex-husband once confessed this problem to a group of Christian men and he was shunned. The problem I refer to is porn. In this case, it started with porn and spiraled into affairs and worse. Devastating does not even begin to describe her experience.

Porn is a 57 billion dollar industry. Can you even wrap your brain around that number? Sadly, 50% of Christian men admit to viewing it. 13% of women also confess to the same thing. I have had a few conversations lately with men and women whose lives and marriages have suffered major devastation because of porn coming into their lives.

Let me just give you my humble opinion on the matter. Porn has no business in your marriage. I have heard people argue that it enhances things in the bedroom or that it is just something men do and it is no big deal. Let me just caution you about this. First of all, who can live up to a porn movie? Not only the bodies, but the unrealistic performances. There is nothing realistic or healthy about it. The problem is it causes us to start to view sex as “dirty” and “forbidden.” God did not create sex to be either. I would implore you to take a good hard look at the affect this is truly having on your marriage.

I am not an expert in this matter and thankfully it is not something that has been an issue in our marriage. However, let’s not as women be naive about our husband’s struggles. Nearly all men struggle with lust, and porn just feeds that struggle. I am certainly not suggesting that every man is a closet sex addict, but I am certainly advocating that we do whatever we can to protect the sanctity of our marriages.

If this is something that you think may be a problem in your marriage head over to one of my favorite organizations helping Christians overcome their addictions XXXChurch or New Life Ministries.  In the end, our challenge in marriage isn’t just about having great sex, but it’s to maintain a great and healthy sex life over the long haul of marriage. I know I have probably made this sound a lot simpler than it is, but I just want to get a dialogue started. If this is a problem or struggle for you, please seek out a trusted counselor to walk you through it.


  1. Annonymous says:

    I worked for many years in the sex industry (unwillingly) and have seen first hand how it effects people and marriages. So many times it is used as an outlet to cover a bigger problem in the marriage.

    More than the damage pornography does to the marriage and the viewer, please realise that the vast majority of the women involved have been sexually abused and have many issues causing them to think they should or need to be there. Also, more girls than most people realise are there unwillingly, forced into it.

    Not only are you whitnessing a sin on the womans behalf but I garuntee anyone who has looked at porn has seen at least one woman not there willingly, and by giving that image or video traffic it is encouraging the forcer to continue.

    Viewing such things is supporting the production and trade, which is an awful life for those involved. It’s easy to ignore those things when it’s impersonal and they aren’t viewed as people. But view the people involved as humans just like you and things change.

    I am 17, and was forced into the industry for years (for those who think they are against child porn and child prostitution, I have been advertised as 18+, unless I specifically needed to be underage, since I was 15, as are many girls). I was involved in many facets, and dealt with hundreds of men personally along with an unknown number viewing images and other created works with me or on my behalf. If you have had issue with porn you yourself may have seen me or even dealt with me through a chat room. We all have a story.

    Porn isn’t just about you and your wife or husband, it’s about the work you’re supporting.

  2. Willow says:

    Well, i Just found this challenge today, and I read through all of the weeks at once(guess i have some work in store for the next week), but this is great! My husband and I don’t have a problem with this post in particular, but I am guilty of being “tired” too often in our marriage. I will admit that when we first got married my husband and I weren’t following God, and were instead going our own way and had some small amount of issue with this, but have long since thrown it all out and moved past it. I think it is definitely a concern, and it does cause a rift, and in pretty short order.

    I am looking forward to catching up on the challenge and making my husband a very happy man! :D

  3. Thank you so much for your willingness to deal with this topic. I agree – it is something that we have avoided discussing in the church for FAR too long, and it is eating people alive all around us.

    Kristi_runwatchs last blog post..Sunday’s Comin’

  4. Amen, sister! I work in a technology field doing IT work and I have seen many lives destroyed by pornography. It is a quiet sin that people think goes undetected but slowly eats away at marriages and relationships.

    I have witnessed many people lose their jobs because they stored inappropriate materials on business computers thinking that they could hide it from their families. The most heartbreaking was a father who pastored a small church part-time. He was genuinely destraught and begged for some type of help. He said he just couldn’t stop.

    I’d also like to caution parents. I have worked on many kids computers and found evidence of pornography. It’s simply not a good idea to have internet enabled computers in your children’s bedrooms. Computers with internet access should be located in family areas and ideally needs to have a program that blocks “adult” content.

    Porn is not just accessible, it seeks us out when we are on the internet. We should do all we can to guard our eyes, our ears and our hearts and to protect our families

  5. We have a little thing on our computer called Covenant Eyes. We pay a small fee per month and they report to my husband’s “accountability partner” (which is me) all the websites that have been accessed along with a score they’ve given the website on the likelihood it will contain porn. He’s done this as a safety precaution for himself and our kids as they grow up. You can link multiple computers to the account. I highly recommend it!

    Betsys last blog post..Aaahh… Another Project

  6. Thank you so much for addressing this topic. Sometimes we women have a hard time understanding what a struggle men have with their thoughts – with or without pornography – and starting a dialogue and being open about it is the first step to bringing it into the Light.

    I appreciated reading these comments this week.

    Heather Hs last blog post..Leaving and Being Left

  7. Brian McGinness says:

    Thank you so much for hitting this issue head on. You know it means a lot to me and my wife. Being there; addicted to this junk and having to heal not only in my addiction but, our marriage as well. The thing is that the wives are also affected by this and they need to heal as well. I hate to break it to you though your percentages are a little light according to the latest polls. The adult industry makes more money than all major sports combined and they also make more than all major broadcasting companies combined as well. The said part is that this is the #1 growing addiction in senior communities as well. Again thank you for taking this issue on and bringing light to a dark place.


  8. I love that you are addressing this. Our church has done a series on this called Por-No. It is a fantastic message that really hits on things you would never think of. If you’re interested in checking it out, go here http://brandnewchurch.com/messages/ and scroll down to ‘Por-No: Porn Again’ for this year’s series or down further to ‘Por-No’ for last years…both are phenomenal.

    Jesss last blog post..Memory Lane Monday

  9. Thank you for this great post! I appreciate your willingness to deal with this issue. It is such a huge struggle for men, and I believe it’s so important for wives to understand and help them. We have Safe Eyes on my hubby’s computer. Which blocks potentially bad websites and I have to unblock them if he needs to get on that certain site.

    Thanks again!

    Kellys last blog post..Philippians 4:13 Friday

  10. Thank you so much for this post! I have been silently enjoying your challenges and I really appreciate your openness and honesty in this matter. I have added your button to my brand new blog. I would appreciate any new visitors that wanted to drop in too.

    Hollys last blog post..Why not?

  11. Hi Jill & everyone this was a very well written post about a very sensitive topic. And I wanted to mention again the survey you brought to our attention a couple of months ago I believe you can still answer the survey if you haven’t already. Their is a blogspot blog that has the survey posted if you want to read it before responding. http://researchpurposes.blogspot.com/
    I hope if you haven’t taken the time to answer this survey you will consider doing so soon.

    Annes last blog post..Happy Resurrection Sunday (or if you prefer… Happy Easter)

  12. This is so common and yet uncommonly discussed openly. Porn is a tool of Satan to tear marriages apart, and it works. We have dealt with it in our marriage and it still bring alot of hurt when brought up. My husband knew it was a problem and sought help at: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/ . He went through the Way of Purity course with a mentor and through Christ he was able to become free from the hold that this sin had over him. He is still tempted from time to time but God is good and continues to protect my husband and our marriage.

    Wanis last blog post..I won! I won!

  13. For those of you who “know someone” (I would never ask for a show of hands, though) who struggles with porn, sexual addiction, or some other sexual issue in her marriage (even if it’s her husband and not her), might I suggest facing it head-on? I have a friend (don’t we all? ) whose marriage was nearly destroyed by porn, sex addiction, and her husband’s same-gendered attraction (although he’s not gay, he struggles with this issue). She had *no place to turn* in the midst of it all. She’s said for years that if she thought talking about her husband’s porn addiction was shameful (within the Church), talking about her husband’s same-sex porn addiction was absolutely isolating.

    Anyhow, she & her husband are on the road to healing and are getting to the bottom of many of his problems (although she had her own issues, too), and she’s writing about it. She has a fantastic list of links for helpful organizations and sites in her sidebar, and she’s honest & open about what God is doing in her marriage & life.

    If you’re interested, her site is called “My Heart | His Heart,” and her name is Cori. It’s a pseudonym, but she has her reasons for keeping it that way. She can be found at http://www.myhearthisheart.com and as weird as this sounds, I know she’d be happy to answer questions and offer assistance, as she’s able.

    Anyhow, I just couldn’t let this challenge pass without mentioning that this issue is big – and there is real, live help out there.

    sues last blog post..things i love thursday: bar keeper’s friend

  14. I would like to say thanks to everyone, especially “Anonymous”, who offered personal testimony here. Praise our Creator God for protecting me and my marriage from this horrific stronghold, but there are so many in bondage. This is an issue bigger than all of us, but our God is infinitely greater than any problem or stronghold.

    Take courage. Stand firm. We will be delivered.

    Gabrielles last blog post..The week of sighs…

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