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Slowing Down To The Finish

motherhoodI’m not big on New Year’s Resolutions. I used to make them, but there is nothing more depressing than realizing on Jan. 17th that you are going to fail miserably. Still there is something about a new year that makes it impossible not to think about fresh starts. So I am renewing my commitment to eat healthy, exercise more, read the bible, gossip less…all the usual suspects. It is also a time of looking back over the last year and thinking about all that has transpired. The good, the bad, the ugly. And then we press on toward the next year.

Motherhood is so interesting. It is so full of changes, yet so much stays the same. If you asked me on most days I would probably tell you too much stays the same. Same lunches made day after day. Same clothes washed, folded and put away. Same squabbles broken up. Same issues to discipline. But then I blink and suddenly my oldest is reading and setting the table without being asked. My youngest, who I willed and willed to talk, is doing so and then some.

That is what I have really been thinking about lately. Hannah’s speech delay has caused some anxiety, but more frustration. She is frustrated when we can’t understand her and I am frustrated when she can’t tell me what she wants. But how sad I will be when she doesn’t have all her cute “isms” anymore and she loses all the quirky speech patterns that make us giggle. I wish all these moments away every day when I react to her inability to communicate clearly.

And Lily. Her independence is both what I love most and what frustrates me most about her. But that independence is slowly lessening her need for me. How many days do I spend getting frustrated when she insists on doing things her way and in her timing? Now I should get frustrated when she bucks my authority, but some days I often don’t give her the grace a 5 year old deserves. And worse yet, I also wish away her neediness. Why can’t she just do that herself, she is old enough? It is only a matter of time until I blink and she will be  old enough to do it all herself.

Why are we so eager to get to the end of this race that is motherhood? In the big picture I desperately want time to slow down so I can hold them a little longer, but I confess, in the day to day….I wish far too much time away. So this year, I am trying to savor more moments. Every moment seems way too ambitious, and doomed for failure, but I know I can grab hold of just a few more a day.

This post was written as part of Scribbit’s January Write Away contest.

Comments

  1. Amen, amen, and Amen.

    Esthers last blog post..Mosaic Monday–Edition #3 (Update added at end…)

  2. I seem to have touched on the same line of thinking today! Just slow down and enjoy this motherhood. That should be the goal for all of us.

    debbies last blog post..Time keeps on slipping into the future

  3. You absolutely MUST get the book titled “Let Me Hold You Longer” by Karen Kingsbury. It has brilliant writing and artwork as well. I cried when I read it and got it for a few close friends for Christmas, including my mom who also cried when she read it. Then she got it for a friend as a birthday gift, this friend AND even her 6th grade SON were teary eyed. This book is fabulous for parents and children alike and every mother should have a copy.

    What I am about to say will make more sense once you have read the book but…I am planning to buy a copy for each of my children (we only have 1 so far) and write down in the back of the book, each of the “lasts” that I am blessed enough to recognize. I will write the date and how they seemed to feel about it being a “last” and how I felt about it as well. Then I will give it to them as a gift as they are going off to college (Lord willing!). I think it will mean a lot to them.

  4. You said it. I always say that I wish everything took twice as long. Big Brother is four now and I am enjoying this age and all that comes along with it. But I miss that baby with the funny crawl and the toddler who called it a “cactapus,” I wish it could have taken double the time to get to this point.

    Upstatemomof3s last blog post..Pacifier! She don’t need no stinking pacifier!

  5. Thanks for the reminder. It’s so easy to get tunnel vision over every issue and item on the to-do list. I often forget to stick my head up and enjoy the beautiful scenery around me.

    Tree Climbing Moms last blog post..PB makes a special guest appearance

  6. I feel the same way. I love being at home and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, but I find myself rushing them through their little lives. I did that to my youngest son after he was born (I hate the newborn stage because I don’t do too well with lack of sleep). I spoke with my doctor about having more children and she didn’t know if my body could handle another pregnancy. I went home and looked at my six-month-old baby and realized he may be my last one. And I was so sad for rushing him through that time. I now take more time to rock in the chair, read stories, laugh to myself at their pouting, etc. It’s opened my eyes, and my heart, to my little boys.

  7. WORD UP. I am getting so sad about Joshua getting big…I want my sweet baby back! I mean he’s still sweet, but…yeah. You know what I’m talking about.

    Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!s last blog post..An anatomy lesson, brought to you by Emily and Jenny

  8. great post.

    I like how whenever you talk about the frustrations of motherhood, LUNCH is at the top of the list.

    seriously. every time. :)

    Erin Gs last blog post..Reason #1087 Why I Need a Daughter

  9. This will come again in a realization when you have a 1st grader and she’s gone all day, every day and you’re hours of fun are cut down to a mere few. I vowed beginning with Christmas break that I’m going to use any and all breaks to do the fun things we used to do….The Children’s Museum, going bowling, and enjoying a movie or 3 when we can. I hear ya on wanting to slow down, they grow up so fast, and before you know it you’ll have 2 in school!

    Chars last blog post..the IT soldiers union.

  10. nicolerenae says:

    Well said…I do the same thing, thinking ahead to when all my kids will be in school, and thinking that sounds so nice. But I know I will miss the cuddling and fun outings and just babyhood in general. So, I too am trying to be more aware of the little moments, reading books and doing puzzles and coloring.

  11. “Same clothes washed, folded and put away.”
    That’s the part that I can’t stand.

    I agree with Jen about the Karen Kingsbury book.

    MrsScotsmans last blog post..6/6

  12. This is so, so true. Thank you for this reminder! You literally blink and they’re grown. Both my kids will be in school full time this next fall and I’m trying to cherish every single moment I have with our youngest as that mommy/daughter time 24/7 is almost gone. Both rarely need my help any longer and as it is nice, I do miss the baby/toddler/preschooler stages with helping them. :)

    jeans last blog post..

  13. I DO have some ideas for resolutions, but changed the name to “things I would like to accomplish in ’09”.

    I’ve got on my list:
    -return to pre pregnancy weight (I’ve got 12 months to do it!)
    -reorganize/overhaul bonus room
    -get better at playing piano.

    I went back and looked at pictures of Bubbalu one year ago and was shocked how much he grew in one short year. I know I’ll be thinking the same thing next year looking at pics of him and Lil Chick :)

    Amanda- VintageDutchGirls last blog post..Baby Sithster…

  14. Heather says:

    Amen!

    My Little Man turned 5 years old this past Saturday and it is all so sad and happy at the same time.

    On one hand I miss cuddling with my little 7 pound 3 ounce baby, and then on the other hand I feel so blessed to have had 5 years with him in my life, and I look forward to MANY more. :)

    It’s difficult not to get frustrated with the mundane, but it’s amazing how fast it changes and goes away.

    *sigh* Time goes by so fast.

    Heathers last blog post..Website for Sale: Crafty Mom Blog

  15. great post and I really like how you used Scribbit’s write away topic to relate to your actual life!

    and I totally hear you on wishing for the “next step”. could not wait for my little one to walk and now all I do is ask him if he wants “uppies”, so I can carry him :)

    Courtney from Mommie Blogss last blog post..me, oh my…

  16. I find myself always saying “I’ll be glad when (fill in the blank) he’s potty trained, he’s sleeping through the night, he’s able to do more things for himself.” I definitely want to make a more concerted effort to savor the season I’m in…one sleep-deprived day at a time :)

    Beth@Not a Bow in Sights last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  17. David used to always have this huge side lisp that was just so cute and hysterical. He finally got speech therapy and got rid of it and somewhere a part of me really misses that funny cute way he used to talk.

    Michelle at Scribbits last blog post..A Regret

  18. Cherish these moments with your children now. You will miss them when they grow up and move away.

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