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Sex, Unwrapped – What Your Hubby Wants You To Know

Young couple  in bed, toned black and white effect, vignette. What does your hubby most want for Valentine’s Day? Well my hubby has some thoughts. Some uncensored thoughts……ahem……..

Happy Valentine’s Day! Given the occasion, I thought I’d address a topic on the minds of most married people today: sex. Unfortunately, sex is not one of those things that most married people are good at talking about. And with that in mind, here’s what your husband would like you to know:

He could use some good input from you regarding how to make your sex life the best it can be. Despite the stereotypes, most guys would like to have healthy, God-honoring, mutually-gratifying, and fun (yes, fun!) sex lives with their wives. Unfortunately, many guys aren’t exactly sure how to make that happen.

You see, sexually fulfilling a man is like starting a lawn mower – you throttle it up, tug on it a few times, and it’s off and running. Not a lot of complexity there. But compare that with the mystery of female orgasm, and most guys approach sex like playing the craps table in Vegas for the first time – take a deep breath, roll the dice, and wait until someone screams joyously to determine if you’ve done well. Even foreplay can seem like some cruel tribal rain dance, filled with random, awkward, jerky movements with the hopes of ridding the bedroom of relational aridity. So for goodness sake, give a brother a break and provide him some useful tips from his wife’s personal sexual user manual that he’s never had the chance to read.

Now I should note that there’s a time and a place for providing this input, and ten minutes before things heat up tonight is not the right time – no one needs cooking lessons while fixing Thanksgiving dinner. And guys are not likely to ask for advice during the middle of sex. If we won’t pull over to ask for directions when we get lost, we’re not likely to interruptus the coitus for suggestions. Instead, providing input as to your likes and dislikes is better done at a time when the lights aren’t already turned off.

Oh, and that reminds me of something. Your husband would also like you to know that he’d prefer not to have sex in pitch darkness. We get it – you are uncomfortable with parts of your body when the lights are on. But while you are mentally imagining that nickel-size dot of cellulite on your thigh, your husband is thinking, “Yes… boobies!”, so please allow a lumen or two of light to seep into the room. No one is developing film in there. But I digress…

The point I was making is that you should wisely choose how and when you discuss sex with your husband. It should be a casual conversation that doesn’t feel like he’s receiving a report card of his sexual tactics. I’d recommend something that feels along the lines of, “Honey, do you know what would make your sexual prowess even more Herculean? A little backrub before we start. That would be awesome.” Trust me, most guys would like to end the guesswork, and please have patience with him and with your sex life as it improves over time. Just because guys aren’t great communicators, it doesn’t mean that we want to settle for anything less than a lifetime of Valentine’s Days, having stellar sex with our wives.

You can find all the Marriage, Unwrapped posts here.

Comments

  1. Way to be honest and real! This is a great post, really. Love the direct language.
    nicole recently posted…You Capture- ColdMy Profile

  2. I think it’s less like craps and more like that game James Bond always plays–Baccarat. That is some indecipherable stuff right there.

  3. It’s true. I got basically the same thing from my hubs. They need us to know that they need to know. Good stuff.

  4. It’s as if my hubs wrote this. Well, except he’s not this witty and he wouldn’t have been able to get past writing the word boobies…

    Great post!

  5. So funny! I love it. Sounds like our hubbys could be buddys. :)

  6. Well said sir. Nice to hear someone lay it out there! One addition: ladies, we want the lights up a little because you’re so gorgeous! Who can argue with that? That and boobies.

  7. Miranda LaRaut-Hartrampf says:

    I love it!

  8. Okay, but seriously, can we have this conversation in the pitch dark? :) (Thanks for another great post, Mr. Diaper Diaries!)
    Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect recently posted…Giveaway Winner- Valentine’s Day Cookie KitMy Profile

  9. YES!! Fortunately, my husband is very open about this subject and all of the tips you give are definitely accurate!

    Listening to my husband and respecting what he likes (while he also does the same for me) has been one of the BEST relationship enhancers ever. We are about to celebrate 11 years of marriage and I can truly say that our sex life is the best it’s ever been. And the added benefit is that it has enhanced the whole of our relationship.

    Thank you for being so candid!
    Laura @ Homemaking Joyfully recently posted…Baker-etteMy Profile

  10. Melissa says:

    I’m blushing! LOL!

  11. Great advice! Especially the light comment… I sometimes forget that guys are more visual than us! haha
    Mariposa recently posted…The Languages of LoveMy Profile

  12. Mr. Diaper Diaries – Great post! I think the best sex involves laughter until the passion takes over. Whew – is it hot in here?
    Laurie recently posted…Guest BloggerMy Profile

  13. Awesome stuff! Even after 25 years that is good advice for anyone. I almost spit pop all over the computer screen because I was laughing so hard at the truth of “Yes… boobies!” and what guys are NOT looking at. Of course, telling her how beautiful she is every chance you get is one way to help that. Keep up the great work you two!

  14. Always loved “Mrs. Diaper Diaries” …. now I officially love Mr. too! GREAT post….insightful, witty, hones, and dead on!
    Devin recently posted…A lesson in loveMy Profile

  15. Awesome post! A great read and hilarious too :) Great job Mr. DiaperDiaries – Woot woot for passionate monogamy!!! :)

  16. So I finally got around to reading all the blog posts in my e-mail that I’m behind on, and I’m so glad that I did!

    I LOVED this … so funny… I laughed (and took notes) all the way through! Great post from the Mr.

  17. Making everyday Valentine’s Day is an awesome place to be in a marriage. It’s what we should all strive to achieve.
    Saidah@AProverbsWife.com recently posted…Billy Ray’s Big Regret- The Destruction of the Cyrus FamilyMy Profile

  18. Well then… ;-)

    No, this is really great info, and I love the humor. I’m sure my husband would be nodding in agreement.
    Musings of a Housewife recently posted…Odds and EndsMy Profile

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