It’s about to get real inappropriate up in here. Like, mom stop reading right now, inappropriate. Cause I need the internet’s help on a sensitive, and did I mention inappropriate, topic.
So we got this dog. We love this dog. He is seriously and awesome dog. Except…..
Sometimes Ryan and I want to engage in marital relations. A little horizontal polka if you will. But then suddenly the dog is just sitting at the end of the bed staring at us.
Listen, it is hard enough to get the stars to align for it to all work out. We both have to be awake and have enough energy to not just pass out at the end of the day. Lighting, mood, time of the month, lunar patterns. Who the heck knows what kind of black magic it takes to make it happen? But this dog is throwing a real wrench in things.
At this point the only thing I should be worried about is whether or not my kids are going to walk in on us. I already had some sort of “mommy and daddy are just wrestling” story up my sleeve. But I have this dog. Staring at us. Maybe even judging us.
We have tried training him to sleep with the kids. No go. We tried putting him in his cage. To say the whining is distracting is an understatement. Briefly I tried giving him a special bone that kept him occupied for a bit (it is taking EVERYTHING within me not to make an inappropriate joke right here).
So I am throwing myself at your mercy. What do you all do about this? Surely I am not the only one with a peeping Tom dog!