My husband is an only child. And his parents separated when he was three, which means he spent a lot of time one-on-one with his parents growing up. So he tends to get a bit overwhelmed with massive crowds and chaos (or groups of more than two). Sometimes I will be at a family gathering and he will suddenly disappear. I know that is a sign that he needs a little time to himself to decompress.
I am a classic extrovert. Besides being loud and talkative and loving a good party I recharge by being with people. But I am finding there is a downside to that. When I spend too much time soaking up all of the other people I have very little left at the end of the day to give to Ryan. Even extroverts need some alone time to decompress.
The problem is sometimes after a chaotic day with the children I desperately want that moment of aloneness to come the second the hubby walks in the door. I mean, who hasn’t thrown their kids at their spouse and made a run for it? Or sometimes after the craziness of dinner is over I sneak away into the room with a magazine and pretend I can’t hear the hubby and the little people saying “What happened to mom?”
Taking time to recharge yourself is important. The whole “put your oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your children” analogy is effective because we have all said yes to too many people and know what it feels like to be depleted. But sometimes I think the person who ends up getting the bulk of our “no” is our husband.
Yes, we need to recharge. Yes we need alone time. Yes we need to make time for ourselves instead of dying a martyr at the altar of busy mom. But we need to be very careful that while we take care of our little ones and fill our calendar with all sorts of good stuff that we keep our spouse at the forefront of our mind. Make saying yes to him one of your top priorities.
Then, when you are devoting yourself to making sure you have quality time with your spouse, those occasional pedicures won’t be a hard sell at all.