It’s Not About You- Marriage Unwrapped

Young couple  in bed, toned black and white effect, vignette.

You know how they say that women use 3 times as many words in a day as men. Well while I can get my words on like nobodies business, I am convinced that I can only tolerate being touched 3 times less than a normal human being.

This does not bode well for my hubby whose primary love language is touch.

When it comes to touch my husband it competing against 3 little people who seem to spend their days pretending to by monkeys clinging to a tree (I am the tree in this analogy). I have a two year old who loves to snuggle and when he isn’t snuggling, he wants to wrestle. Our five year old wants to climb in my lap as much as she can. And my eight year old, although not as snuggly any more, seems to constantly be suctioned to my side as my little shadow.

It is so easy for me to be all touched out by the time Ryan gets home. And, even if we aren’t talking sex, he still needs touch for me. He loves it when I run my fingers through his hair, have his back scrubbed and hold my hand. Then let’s add in his “other” physical needs and that is a whole lotta touching I need to bring to the table.

I must admit I am not writing this post from a place of doing a good job in this area. In fact, if I must confess, I kind of stink at it. At the end of the day I want to curl up in a little ball and say “stop touching me!!”

But maybe my hubby wants to say, “Stop talking to me!! I’m all talked out today.” Actually in our case that doesn’t really work. My hubby likes to talk just like I do. But I bet you a million bucks he doesn’t want to do the laundry and wash the pans. But guess what my love language is? Acts of service. So he often does it. When I know he doesn’t want to.

I have been to several weddings where the pastor has the two people look at each other and say “It’s Not About Me.” (hear that Kardahsians?) How much does that stink? Shouldn’t it be about me? Like at least 62% about me?

But I am so blessed when I make my marriage not about me. Maybe not immediately. And maybe not even with a thanks or an acknowledgement from my husband. But I am blessed because I am a better person when it isn’t about me. I am a better mom, a better daughter, a better friend and a better wife. Most importantly I am a LOT closer to who God wants me to be.

And today, God wants me to be a wife who gives her amazing hubby a really long back rub……

What is a way that you can serve your spouse this week when you really don’t have it in you to do so?


  1. Oh my gosh, that is so US. It’s really hard for me to remember how important touch is to my husband but it really pays off (for both of us) when I do.
    Amy recently posted…Weekend RecapMy Profile

  2. I’ll tell my hubby he can thank YOU when I pull away from the computer tonight to rub his back. ;)
    Amy @ Finer Things recently posted…Menu Plan, Week of November 6My Profile

  3. Thanks for the reminder!
    My husband is very good at using my love language. I’m so blessed.
    I must admit, I am guilty of thinking I need more attention in this area than my husband. That my days are harder than his. That I’m more ’empty’ at the end of the day.
    But it’s not true. He’s put himself last all day just like I have. He puts up with rigmarole just like I do. It may be a different form, but both empty you.
    So tonight’s going to be different. I’m going to beat him to it. I’m going to speak his love language like no one’s business –FIRST! He deserves it. In fact, we both do. . .
    Nikki @ Simplystriving recently posted…Heart of ThanksgivingMy Profile

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