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Seeing I Dog

It’s about to get real inappropriate up in here. Like, mom stop reading right now, inappropriate. Cause I need the internet’s help on a sensitive, and did I mention inappropriate, topic.

So we got this dog. We love this dog. He is seriously and awesome dog. Except…..

Sometimes Ryan and I want to engage in marital relations. A little horizontal polka if you will. But then suddenly the dog is just sitting at the end of the bed staring at us.

Listen, it is hard enough to get the stars to align for it to all work out. We both have to be awake and have enough energy to not just pass out at the end of the day. Lighting, mood, time of the month, lunar patterns. Who the heck knows what kind of black magic it takes to make it happen? But this dog is throwing a real wrench in things.

At this point the only thing I should be worried about is whether or not my kids are going to walk in on us. I already had some sort of “mommy and daddy are just wrestling” story up my sleeve. But I have this dog. Staring at us. Maybe even judging us.

We have tried training him to sleep with the kids. No go. We tried putting him in his cage. To say the whining is distracting is an understatement. Briefly I tried giving him a special bone that kept him occupied for a bit (it is taking EVERYTHING within me not to make an inappropriate joke right here).

So I am throwing myself at your mercy. What do you all do about this? Surely I am not the only one with a peeping Tom dog!

 

Holiday Traditions Gone Wrong

I have spent the whole night organizing a 2nd grade Christmas party (why oh why oh why do I volunteer for room mom) and so I am a little tapped out in the blog department. But this video made me laugh today. I love this man.

I Don’t Think Your Ready For This Jelly

I am going to fully admit that I judged and mocked you in my head. My Facebook stream was filled with your pathetic pleas. Blog posts talked of your obsession. And I just shook my head and thought, “You are adults. Get a grip.”

And although I have never fallen down the hole that is Candy Crush, Lily recently downloaded a new game and got me hooked. And it is shameful my friends. I can’t stop playing. I dream about it at night. It is pathetic and it is Jelly Splash.

jelly-splash3

Apparently a lot like Candy Crush, it sucks you in until you hit a wall and then you are forced to pay money to advance (it is only $1.99 the voice says, just a little money) or ask your Facebook friends to give you lives (and admit to people that you are hooked on a ridiculous, ridiculous game).

So far I have done neither. Instead I play levels over and over trying to beat this game into submission. I have even gone so far as to Google tips and cheats. It is so very shameful.

The first step is admitting your problem. I am confessing my addiction knowing there is power in saying the words, “I’m Jill. And I am addicted to Jelly Splash.” (p.s. if you get addicted to we can ask each other for help and get to the next level. #justsaying)

Have you ever been addicted to a stupid game app on your phone or Facebook?

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

While everyone else is anxiously awaiting the next version of the iPhone I am over here madly in love with my Google Nexus 4 (not sponsored, just unadulterated love- although affiliate link because duh). I seriously love my phone.

One of the things I love about my phone is Google Now (rumor has it you can get the app for your iPhone too in case you drank the Kool-Aid and refuse to acknowledge how superior Android really is). I guess it is Google’s answer to Siri but it is frankly way better and does way more (biased, but even my Siri loving hubby admits it is true). While it is a little creepy that Google knows my every move (although if you are online, they pretty much do anyway), it is quite lovely how it knows me so well.

Let’s say I type in “Michigan State Football”. It will give me web results, but also the latest scores. Then the next weekend suddenly I get a notification for the score of that weekend’s game. It knows I care! (which I actually don’t, I goggled that on a fluke, but you get the point).

If I am out and about town I often get a notification with the time home including traffic delays (it knows where I live!). In the morning it always tells me the time to get to school including traffic. It even gives me weather updates. Here is all the nitty gritty on Google Now in case you are interested on using it on your phone.

Last week I noticed it started giving me traffic updates and times for “work”. Which is curious because I don’t work (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha laugh all the stay at home moms). So I clearly needed to investigate just where exactly Google Now thinks that I work.

target-bullseye

Bullseye!!

Apparently I spend so much time at our little red and white haven that my phone thinks I WORK THERE. While anyone who looked at a bank statement wouldn’t be shocked, I was a little surprised. Obviously I have a bit of an addiction, but I can stop anytime. I mean seriously. It isn’t like I have been there two times already this week (no, YOU go to Target 2 out of every three days)……

Google Now 1. Jill’s Bank Account-0. Well played Google Now. Well played.

Questions of Eternal Significance

This weekend is the weekend Ryan lives for all year long. Because this weekend is the weekend that marks the unofficial beginning of hockey season. You might be asking, “Geez, didn’t hockey just end a few months ago?” And you would be asking that right along with me. #LongestSeasonEver

Every year, Ryan heads up to Traverse City to watch the training camp for the Detroit Red Wings. And this year, he brought the whole family along for one of the practice/ scrimmage days. Fun was had by all. Well by most. Well it was mostly fun.

Anywho- the night before we stayed in a hotel and to add to the “good times had by all-ness” of it all my monthly friend arrived early. This seems to be its thing lately and it seems to happen anytime I pack a suitcase free of all feminine products. It is like the gift that keeps on giving.

So as we are all tucked into bed at the ripe old hour for 8:30 (yay for sleeping in hotels with kids!!), I sent Ryan out for some feminine products to the nearest gas station/ drug store. Why Ryan? Because I was already in my pajamas and he might have been a little scared of my mood swings.

He came back with this treasure trove and I immediately posted to Facebook to show what an awesome husband he is:

tampons

why yes, I do post pictures of my tampons on Facebook

The hubby arrived with the goods PLUS wine, chocolate and Doritos. And he earned himself one of the mini bottles of wine and a few squares of chocolate. I am a giver. And he is clearly hubby of the year.

But on Facebook and Instagram people were far more focused on the fact that he bought me generic tampons. Which I found so odd. I could care less what brand of tampons I get. I have tried them all and never noticed a single difference. Toilet paper? Only name brand will do. Tampons? I guess I just throw caution to the wind.

So inquiring minds must know. Do you buy generic feminine products? If not, what else do you insist on buying name brand?