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Brutal Honesty

  I’m in a funk. I am sick with a yucky head cold. The hubby is traveling. I am working a little bit which is some nice little Christmas money, but adds to the crazy. It is very gloomy, snowy, cold outside. And my period came today. Which is just the icing on the cake.

I have mentioned before that I try to avoid any expression of feelings, sentiment and emotion like the plague. I cried at the sermon this weekend and was mortified someone might see. Thankfully my preggo sister in law was crying too. We can both blame hormones. But here is the little secret that I haven’t shared with you all yet. We have been trying for baby #3 for a while so “that time of the month” is much less welcome than ever before.

Lily was a cake walk. You know those sex talks where they say it only takes one time. Well she is a walking billboard for that. Hannah was a little more work. It took us 9 months, but we were moving and life was generally quite stressful so I attributed the wait to that. Now, we are on month 8 again and I am trying to keep a level head.

It is one of those things that I frankly even hate to write about. How can you bitch when you have 2 wonderful, healthy children running around. And 8 months? I know women who try for 8 years. So I truly hate to even think about complaining. But when you have an ache in your heart for a child, 8 days seems too long. My family is not complete and I know this with all my being.

I met with my OB last week for my yearly check up and threw it out there that we had been trying. She said 6 months is about average. So I am over. She offered me some things to regulate my cycle which has been a bit wonky ever since I stopped nursing Lily (how’s that for TMI). I am just torn. Cause I really am trusting God on this one, which has been keeping me sane, but at what point do I get a little help? And at what point do I stop FREAKING OUT that I might get two for the price of one.

Anyway, that is enough emotional vulnerability for one night. Apparently my threshold is quite low. I just know I have wise and wonderful readers who will encourage me, advise me and lift me up in prayer. And for that, I am more than grateful.

Comments

  1. I’m so sorry you are going through this- it has to be rough.

    I have no great advice, except it will happen when it is supposed to. Make sure you are taking care of yourself, getting rest, and *try* I know that is easier said than done- not to stress too much.

    On the off chance that you haven’t, have you tried charting your temperature every morning, to see when you actually ovulate?

    Also a wonderful book about women’s fertility (I think it should be mandatory reading in high school so we understand our bodies) is “Taking Charge of your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. It educated me SO much. It is a great read, I always learn something new when I re-read it.

    Hang in there. :-)

    A Mama’s Blogs last blog post..The Paint Color Saga Continues

  2. I have also heard that “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” is an excellent book. Pray like crazy, girl! God is faithful and will give you peace.

    Colleen Felz, Homeschool Coachs last blog post..Painting Jesus

  3. Phoebe says:

    I could kick myself now for bringing TCOYF to Goodwill a couple of months ago. I wish I could have passed it on to you! We needed it for our 1st child. Maybe the library has it?

    You likely don’t want so much detail, but we did a lot to get pregnant with #1. We coupled all fertility treatments will ultrasounds so we knew if we were looking at a chance of multiples. Even just on 50mgs of Clomid, we had mid-cycle ultrasounds to see how many eggs would likely be released and we would go make decisions from there. So keep the ultrasound option in mind if you are really worried about getting “two for the price of one,” although after all we went through, we were hoping for twins. :) Instead we got 4 singletons which also worked out just fine :)

  4. I have that book and it is FANTASTIC. So to anyone else who has any trouble getting pregnant make sure you check it out.

  5. prayers sent!! i can only imagine how tough that must be!

  6. ((HUG)) We only tried for 5 months with my first and I thought I was going to go CUH-razy. You have every right to be discouraged. Hopefully with this little extra “help” things will start happening! :-)

    Musings of a Housewifes last blog post..Cause Who Needs $30,000 Anyway?

  7. It took us a few months to get pregnant with number two and it felt like forever, so I am sure this must be tough.

    Sometimes it just seems like everything piles on top of you at once. Having your hubby gone makes it so much harder. My hubby is finally back after being gone for five weeks and it is so nice and life is just easier.

    frugalisfabs last blog post..Rite Aid 11/23-11/29

  8. 8 months or 8 years or 8 weeks… it’s ALL painful, and your pain and fear are real, regardless of other people’s pain, or all the things you are grateful for. I admire you for WANTING to keep things in perspective, but it’s really ok to be filled with joy about one thing (or two! like your girls) and deeply burdened by another (the desire for a third). hang in there. God’s plan for your third child is right, just like it was right for the first two. when (not if!) you’re hugging that child to you, whether it was by IV or adoption or just good ol’ “trying,” THEN you will understand why you are now waiting for THAT child.

    hang in there, your bloggity fans are thinking about you.

    (and if it makes you feel better, I’m all wonky, too. nursing, no nursing. wonk’s the word.)

    Erin Gs last blog post..Pretty Much Mozart (For Real)

  9. You need a night out and a couple of glasses of wine..and then again and again until it’s a done deal.

    Hey the up side is the dh get’s to “court” and you get the breaks!

    In His time..

  10. I love you! I am praying for you, your uterus, your fallopian tubes, and all that other good stuff. This baby is gonna be so worth all this!

    Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!s last blog post..God’s Love in a Bottle

  11. First off, I saw quite a few guys wiping their eyes this past weekend. It was a heart-wrencher for sure. And Hugs to you. I’m not ready for #2, but I’m sure when I am I’m going to get antsy immediately!

  12. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way – it sucks. I know!! I’ll be praying for you!

    Andrea@Under Grace & Over Coffees last blog post..Just how much is an insane amount anyways?

  13. It took us progressively longer with each child. 6 months for #1, 8 months for #2, about 10-11 months for #3. It will happen when you are least expecting it. At least that’s what happened to us! Anyway, you’ll be in my prayers!

    Esthers last blog post..Not Me! Monday

  14. Wow. I can totally relate to you right now. I’m so under-emotional on the norm, it is unreal. I don’t “do” crying and will avoid all things “feely” to a fault.

    Yet lately I’ve been SO upset because my own husband and I are having trouble conceiving. We have no children and have been trying for about 10 months. Every time my time of the month rolls around it is like a wave of depression rolling over me. I just want to be able to see those little pink lines.

    I almost feel guilty sharing my feelings with other people because I am so non-emotional normally that it just feels out of character for me.

    It is good to know I’m not nuts…lol…and that someone else can relate.

    As I pray for me, I will pray for you. Thanks for stepping outside your comfort zone and sharing this.

  15. I’m sorry. I know it sucks. Our first one was an “oops” when we were specifically NOT trying. Now we’re trying and I thought it would be easy peasy – especially using the TCOYF book. A few months in and I’m starting to get a little sad too. :(

    Kristas last blog post..50,000 for Soles4Souls

  16. Sending up prayers for you.

  17. Praying for you. Thank you for sharing so honestly about your struggle. I would imagine the emotions are compounded by the holidays. Hang in there.

    Tree Climbing Moms last blog post..Poor Impulse Control… Nostalgia Fest – Part 1

  18. Hugs to you! I will be praying and thinking of you. I completely understand how you feel when you said you know that your family is not complete.

    Hang in there-and thank you for your honesty.

    Praying…

    Julies last blog post..New Bunk Beds

  19. I’ll be praying for you! I pray that you’ll be announcing good news really soon :).

    Candace (Mama Mia)s last blog post..Girls’ Night Out!

  20. I feel for you. I’ve been there too. Our first took 3 months and no additional thought. Our 2nd took 3.5 years. We prayed and prayed about what to do and felt so guilty for not being “satisfied” with our 1st. Finally we found a great doctor and had faith that God had guided us to her. After only 2 months with her we conceived our beautiful daughter, Grace.
    I’d just warn that even though one of them may be a long time coming, it doesn’t mean that you are infertile.
    Our #3 was a completely surprise little bonus.

    Trish

  21. Melissa says:

    You are in my prayes during such an emotional time. May God ease your heart and mind in the way only He can. I have no advice, no words of wisdom. I can only say that you are not alone. . . and you are loved.

  22. I totally know what you mean. I got pregnant very easily with two of mine but the middle one was a challenge. It took a lot longer and every month I was in tears. Of course I was reading all these things on the internet about second time infertility but finally after about 9months it happened. When you think about what has to happen to get pregnant (all the right conditions and that chance meeting inside) you realize it can take a while. That doesn’t make it easier though! Good luck!

    Harmonys last blog post..You Know You Have Been Reading Too Many Blogs When…

  23. We have a three-year-old who we didn’t “try” to get pregnant with at all – it just happened. Best thing that’s ever happened to either one of us.

    We had been sort of trying for the past year and a half to get pregnant again. Not really trying, but doing nothing to prevent it. I found out I was pregnant September 22nd. I was so happy – so scared all at the same time.

    I started miscarrying October 17th and wound up going to the ER on the 20th and had a D&C – same day as my daughter’s 3rd birthday.

    It’s really hard for me to imagine why things like this happen – you do everything right, but for some reason it just doesn’t work. The only thing that made me feel somewhat better was thinking it just wasn’t meant to be right now – God has other plans for us.

    You hang in there and remember that you don’t have to be rock solid all the time – it’s okay to cry sometimes.

  24. I absolutely love brutal honesty. And as long as we’re spilling it here, I have two wonderful, healthy “oopses”. So, I’ll sit right by you and let you complain about having to wait on #3 if you’ll let me complain about having not one, but two babies before I was “ready”. :-)

    Seriously, though, many many {{HUGS}} to you.

  25. you know that prayers are pouring out from this house. Rest in God. “those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength and rise up on wings like eagles.” Praying that the sperm with sprout wings like eagles and fly right to the special egg.

  26. I’m sorry you’re going through this, the emotional part is as rough as the physical.

    We tried 9 months for our first, and 12 years for our second. I’m NOT telling you this to say “Buck up and count your blessings, it could be worse.” I’m telling you this because I want you to know that God was faithful through all those years, through disappointment, and through loss.

    And now that we have our children we see in so many ways how God provided them each at the perfect time. It’s not at all what we planned, but it is so much better than what we planned.

    I hope for you next month is the “two lines on the stick” month!

    Beths last blog post..6 Random Things

  27. I’m sorry you’re struggling, and I feel your pain. When we tried to get pregnant the first time, it happened the first month & we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. This second time took us a year…a long, long year of emotional turmoil, unwanted advice, and even more unwanted periods.

    Hang in there. It’s not easy, but you’re definitely not alone in your struggle.

    Jenis last blog post..Testing

  28. Allie says:

    Similar story, 1st one on the first time, he is 18 mon old and we “planned” to have our second around June, since my husband is a teacher. Well, we are still trying and learning every day that my plan is not God’s plan, my pastor always jokes not to pray for patience, because God may put you in a situation where you have to learn to be patient! I am right now waiting for a call from my OB since the at home test was neg but my period is 2 weeks late. It’s been 3 long months, and it was very encouraging to read everyone else’s comments. Will be praying for you!!
    Allie

  29. So sorry for this time of waiting. I seriously hope God will grant you peace, and someday it will be so clear why he wanted a space between baby #2 and baby #3!

    We waited for a year for our 1st baby. Every time I saw a baby I got sad, and every month I waited…It just hurt worse. And then we were offered an awesome job as B & B managers which provided free housing, with lots of perks for taking care of the Bed and Breakfast. Something I always dreamed of doing, but thinking it would never happen because it is such a huge investment. So this fell into our laps and was oh such a fun adventure for us. We moved from Michigan to Indiana to a beautiful home. For free and got paid to run the place. I can look back and see if we had a new born it would’ve been almost impossible to run the B & B. We signed up for one year and liked it so much we stayed one more year. And then joy of all joys we got pregnant!!! I look back now and see God’s very perfect timing in this. You see my husband wanted to wait a couple of years to have a baby, I did not. He gave in, we kept trying to get pregnant….but God had his own plan. That was 9 years ago. We now have 4 children.

    God has something really cool, of that I am sure…You just gotta trust he knows what he’s doing. Easier said than done. I know. I’ll pray for you.

    Sorry this is so long…..my hands couldn’t stop typing.

    Heathers last blog post..this might seem familiar to you or else create an ugly picture of me.

  30. Courtney says:

    oh, bookie. I don’t know what to say. But, please know, as always, I am praying for you.

  31. Heather H says:

    Well, I think you can tell your OB to shove it, honestly. 6 months the norm? No way.

    You know I’m praying for you – but I’ll keep telling that I continue to pray for you. Keep feeling whatever it is you’re feeling – I appreciate your honesty.

    Heather Hs last blog post..Eyes Wide Open

  32. Hang in there… it’s hard but will be well worth it.

    Most Docs have you wait out a full 12 months of ‘trying’ before trying additional treatments. That said, I didn’t ovulate so started on Chlomid the month I was married. It still took a year after that but I was at least ovulating!

    Breath. Keep Praying. Relax. Do what feels right.

    Polka Dot Mommys last blog post..Monday Stuff…

  33. You’re right – when you ache for a baby it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been trying. Any amount of time is to long.

    I have to say though, that changing my diet was key to regulating my hormones and my cycle. It’s truly amazing what nutrition can really do for your body.

    And I think sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers right away because he wants us to draw closer to him and rely on him instead of us thinking we are controlling our lives. (something I hate to give up!)

    Hang in there!

    Donielle @ Naturally Knocked Ups last blog post..Have a great holiday!

  34. i know how you feel. it took me a year with this last one. it can be so discouraging.

    chickadees last blog post..Shopping

  35. Thank you for your brutal honesty! Reading through the above comments makes me realize what trying for months on end can do to your mind and spirit.

    Prayers heading your way…

    Amanda – VintageDutchGirls last blog post..What Do You DO All Day?

  36. Sorry I am late getting to you. I just found your wonderful blog. :)

    Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you. DH and I also went through infertility treatments after a year of trying (our dear daughter was born in July of this year after 4 IUI treatments). Most RE’s (reproductive endocrinologists) will tell you to try for a year before seeking treatment. It’s true though, that 6 months is average. But, that’s just it, it’s AVERAGE, so some take less and some take more. But, they do tend to agree that most women will be pregnant by the 12 month mark. Now, I am not sure how old you are but if you are 35 or older, then they only recommend you try for 6 months (rather than a year) before seeking treatment.

    I also wanted to mention that there are several excellent infertility chat boards out there. The girls on those boards taught me A LOT. The ladies there are very knowledgeable about the topic. In fact, they are the ones who recommended the specific protocol that I actually was finally able to conceive with. You would think it would have been the doc. but nope, it was the girls on the board. I presented it to my docs. and they agreed to let me try. Well, that was the month it finally happened for us. The boards are also great because truly, infertility treatments can be brutal, not only physically but every bit as much on an emotional level. I really don’t think people who have never been through it can grasp the magnitude of the way in which it takes over your life. So, these girls are there to support each other. You can get on and just ask a question or two or you can be an active member, whichever suits you best!

    And last, I wanted to tell you that, as distraught as we were, the Lord proved to us once again that He is in complete control, and, that regardless of what we think would be best for us, He can see the WHOLE picture (unlike us) and He, therefore, bases His decisions on the WHOLE picture instead of our small perception of what should be. What we didn’t realize (but He did) was that the military was getting ready to send my husband out to the middle east for deployment. If things had worked out on OUR timetable, my husband wouldn’t have been here for the birth of our first child, something that would have devastated me. It brings tears to my eyes still today, knowing that (while I am ashamed to admit it) there were times when I was frustrated at God for giving me such a strong desire to be a mother and then not fulfilling that dream. When it fact, He actually knew what I wanted much more than I did myself. What an awesome (in the truest sense of the word) Father!

    Anyway, I hope this helps a little. Please feel free to email me if you have any further questions.

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