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Anticipation

A week from today I will be blogging from the Dominican Republic. That fact blows my mind. I feel ill prepared and nervous and excited and scared out of my mind. I have second guessed my decision to go on this trip more times than I can count. But every time I do God reminds me that it wasn’t really up to me. He set things in motion years ago when I picked my sponsored child our of a pile.

Silas is successfully weaned. It was a very emotional process for me, but one I needed to do to make the trip less stressful. My original hope was to pump while I was down there and donate milk to a local hospital. While I still love the idea of that the fact is our schedule is too unpredictable and I can’t afford to get “backed up” while I am in another country. So I have come to terms with the fact that I am done nursing and that that is ok.

But after leaving my kids for the weekend last weekend, I started to panic. I have never been away this long and I am going to miss them so. Add to that the fact that Silas seemed to not know who I was this morning and I am so torn inside. Also it is weird to me that I will be experiencing such life changing things that my hubby won’t be a part of. We do most things together and have definitely never experienced something of this magnitude together.

Mostly I am just overwhelmed by what I am about to see. If I think about it too much I just weep. And that is before I have even seen anything. Am I just going to be a puddle by the time I get back? I hate crying in public and am not always good at expressing my emotions. And truth be told, I am really frustrated with myself that I am thinking about things like what I am going to wear and if I can fit in a pedicure before I go so my toenails aren’t chipped. Ugh. This is why I need this trip.

I truly want my heart to break for the things that break the heart of God. But oh my goodness, what a prayer to pray. I am terrified of what that will mean for my life. Will I still be me when I come home? I hope so. But then I hope not. Will you pray that prayer for me? I will be praying that God break your heart for the people that I am seeing so hopefully you will be moved to sponsor a child. Or why wait. Would you sponsor one today? If you do please tell me about it so I can pray for you.

Comments

  1. Jill, I will be praying for you and your trip! Know that part of my heart will be with you, and I will be anxiously awaiting each word that you write! The DR is so very near and dear to my heart!! Love on some precious children for me, please!
    .-= Mandy´s last blog ..Blogiversary Giveaway Winners! =-.

  2. Already praying for your trip!! You & the team in the DR & your family back at home! Lots of love & prayers!!
    .-= mandi@itscome2this´s last blog ..Well talk about it … =-.

  3. Jill, I am absolutely praying for you and the others going on the trip!

    I think going without my husband would be the hardest part for me, too. I know Kristen at We Are THAT Family talked about that part after her Compassion trip. I’ll pray for that part – and missing your kids and your soon-to-be-broken heart!!
    .-= Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect´s last blog ..Don’t they say burned noodles are the mother of invention? =-.

  4. jennybek says:

    What an opportunity! And your prayer seems like the perfect one to me. I’ll definitely be praying for you. I’m excited for what God will do with/for/through you.
    .-= jennybek´s last blog ..Top Ten Tuesday ~ Goin Back to Work Edition =-.

  5. oh amanda says:

    Oh, Jill. You’ve told me several times that God put you on this trip and I believe it! All of it will be more amazing than you think—your fam, your kids, your heart and the blog world!

    I’m so excited I get to share this experience w/you.

    xo
    .-= oh amanda´s last blog ..An Oh My Goodness I Actually Got Up Early Update =-.

  6. Just remember this… if it doesn’t frighten the crap out of you, it’s probably not worth doing. I’m sure it will be so hard to be away from your family, but you’ll be a better mom for it. I think it is so important that our kids see us giving to others and learn from that, even if it means less time for them.

    I think it is so great you are doing this and there are so many people out there (myself included) that wish we had the guts to do it ourselves! We will live vicariously through you, though, and lots of prayers will go with you.
    .-= Kim´s last blog ..When Daughters Become Mothers: Game On! =-.

  7. Wow, I’m so excited for you!!! I understand your conflict over how to pray. I’m sure you will feel immeasurably blessed by this trip. I can’t wait to follow your story!

  8. In my small experiences of poverty and hardship in other countries, I’ve been broken for the loss but also shown how great and GOOD our God is. He’s sending you on this trip for a reason, and will be there to strengthen and encourage you every step of the way (especially when YOU in your OWN strength do any more).
    .-= Ronnica´s last blog ..Book Review: How to Say Goodbye in Robot =-.

  9. What a scary prayer to pray. I’ve got a scary one that I’m preparing to pray– NERVOUS, party of one!

    I’m praying for you, Amanda and the rest of your group. I can’t wait to read about God’s answering your prayer and using you to answer the prayers of others.

    Love & Hugs!!
    Brandi

  10. Saw your ‘tweet’ on twitter and dropped in to read your post. Your trip sounds like it will be amazing and your prayer sounds perfect! God, is always listening to our hearts!
    .-= Lucy´s last blog ..Political Post, Run for Your Life! =-.

  11. What an incredible opportunity. In prayer for sure.
    .-= kathy´s last blog ..Read =-.

  12. In a year, your children won’t remember your time away, but you’ll NEVER forget it. That’s why you must go and tell the story.

    For me, the time in Africa was easy. It was my destiny.

    It’s the time home that’s hard, longing for that distant, strange place, stuffing away the overwhelming urge to move my family to Africa.

    Praying for you, sweet friend.
    .-= We are THAT family´s last blog ..Babies: The Movie {Huge Giveaway} =-.

  13. I will be praying for you. Reading your post brought back so many memories from Honduras last year. I went with a team that did not include Leisa, my wife and was gone from her and the kids for 15 days. While it was hard to be away, it was where God wanted me to be. While you are in the DR, let God break your heart. It is like a spiritual root canal, but you will come back with a new look on things. I do not believe I have ever shed as many tears or had so wide a range of emotional swing as I did there. I also have never felt more fulfilled in anything I have done. Other than getting married and being a dad, there is no greater event that has happened in my life.

    I pray the same for you. God WILL honor your commitment and sacrifice. Leisa and I are looking at connecting with a team to go to Honduras together later this year so she can too share the vision God has given me.

    I look forward to hearing more about your trip.

    God bless!

    Derek

  14. I am so proud of you for listening to God and reaching out to be His hands and feet in DR. My Sri Lanka experience is still with me and I will pray for you and love on the kids and Ryan while you are gone. Love you–Mom

  15. The conflicted emotions are completely normal. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

    I will be praying and reading and Tweeting and letting God change my own heart through your trip, Jill. May He pour blessings out on you and the team and your families staying here while you’re gone.

  16. Well, I love that I am leaving the comment right after your Mom’s because I was thinking about you today, and about all of the things that had to come together for this trip to happen. One big thing is that your parents moved here, have wonderful relationships with your kids, and will make it so that of course they will miss you – but this is hardly a blip on their radar. You don’t have to worry about your own kids, so you can focus on the ones you are meeting.
    And yes, you will still be you, and that’s a good thing :)
    .-= Jen @ BigBinder´s last blog ..Tasty Tuesday Round Up =-.

  17. jille says:

    I am so excited for you as you continue to prep leaving. Having talked last week, and now reading this entry, i did it, i sponsored a child thru World Vision. I have never done this and have had in my heart to do so for a very long time. Thank you Jill! and I know you will touch many more as you blog your journey.

  18. What a great opportunity…this will change your life.
    Blessings!

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