- The Gunner: Clearly you are incredibly fit and seem to live at the gym. I see you here every time I come and you seem to take multiple classes in a row each time. You are always front and center in front of the instructor. When we run laps around the gym and you feel the need to pass everyone multiple times and when we use weights you feel the need to use triple the weight everyone else. WE GET IT. You are in incredible shape. Get over yourself.
- Tammy Faye: You do know you are at a place where you work out right? Not at a night out on the town. I am unclear as to why you put on full makeup before you work out. And by full I mean more makeup than I have ever worn in all of my life combined. And your hair. It is teased and sprayed like you just came from the salon. Let’s not even get started on your jewelry. Is Harry Winston your uncle? Look around. The rest of us are one step up from hobo. Get with the “just rolled out of bed” program.
- Taut College Student: Look how cute and tiny you are with your college t-shirt and your short shorts with those charming words written across your rear. I remember when I could eat an entire pizza in one sitting and my metabolism hadn’t slowed to the pace of a turtle. Please tell me that you love your body. That you never stand in front of a mirror checking out imaginary cellulite. Please tell me that you think your perky boobs are fabulous because someday in the not so distant future those puppies are going head south along with the rest of your bod. Enjoy it while you can.
- Old Naked Woman: It is awesome that at your very, very advanced age you are still coming to the gym for aqua aerobics. Seriously. Kudos to you. But I am unclear to your need to be naked in the locker room. I get it when you are right out of the shower. But I don’t understand your need to REMAIN completely naked while you dry your hair, put on makeup, bend over to apply lotion and generally just walk around the locker room. It isn’t that your old, it’s just that that kind of naked is really only acceptable if you live in a grotto with Hugh Hefner.
- Bench Hoarder: While we are on the subject of locker rooms, there are a lot of us in here. It isn’t the biggest space in the world so perhaps laying out every single thing in your gym bad across the bench is not the most considerate move. See how the rest of us are standing around struggling to find a place to set our stuff so we can get dressed? See how I am over here digging around on the floor? Perhaps you could spare an inch or two next time you are here. If it isn’t too much trouble.
- Incognito: Hey you. Way in the back corner. As far from the door and instructor as you can go. Trying hard not to be noticed as you do the moves off beat from the rest of the people. Yes you. You’re in my spot…..
- Cougar: Well you certainly look wonderful for your age. Then again every part has been paid for. And apparently you want to get your money’s worth as you prance around in your workout gear trying to catch the eye of every man in the gym. Certainly those particular stretches you are doing right in front of the free weights are getting attention. I am not sure if it is the kind of attention you are looking for. But you are certainly catching our attention.
- Biggest loser: I know you are self conscious. I can see it in the way you carry yourself and how you try and sneak in and out of the classes and equipment without anyone noticing. Yes you are carrying some extra pounds. And yes you aren’t in the best shape. But this is worth it. Hold your head high and keep on keeping on. In the most non condescending way I am so proud of you. Seriously, keep it up.
- Mismatched Mama: You know they make super cute workout gear. Cute little matchy outfits with Nike swooshes on them. The oversized sweatpants and hubby’s ratty t-shirt look is so…….wait, that is me again…..
- Locker Room Attendant: Just a quick FYI. The locker room looks great (except for Miss Hoggy Hoggerson- see number 5), but there seems to be a problem with the scale. It is weighing 3 pounds heavier than my home scale. I am sure that can’t be right. So if you could just get that adjusted that would be fabulous. Signed- I need every pound I can get.
Who is at your gym?
This post is linked up to Top Ten Tuesday at Oh Amanda