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An Important Connection- Marriage Unwrapped

marriageunwrapped_thumb3I mentioned in my last marriage post that September was tough on the old marriage. We were so busy that I feel like a month went by without us having a meaningful conversation or connection. And (look away mom) it took a toll on our “romantic time” as well.

It is really hard to connect with each other on a physical level when the emotional intimacy is missing. I mean you can just perform the act, but I think that leaves you…… well as my hubby would say, “It is like Chinese food. You can finish your meal, but you just want more an hour later.” It just doesn’t satisfy.

I think sex should be like really dark chocolate and a glass of Cabernet. It should be something you savor and when you have finished your glass and square of chocolate it is exactly what you needed. (again mom, seriously stop reading)

If you have read any book about marriage you know that sex is a major need for men. But I think for a long time I believed that as long as we were having sex, any sex, that that need was being met. It didn’t matter if I was particularly into it. It didn’t matter if we were emotionally connected. All that mattered was that he was getting “his sex.”

What a lie! Our husbands want to have sex with us for the same reasons we want to have sex with them. To feel a sincere connection (well and also to have some fun at the same time). Our husbands don’t want to play the role of beggar who gets thrown some pity sex from time to time. They want to be wanted the same way we want to be wanted.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to fit sex in when the kids have been clawing at you all day. And if you are fitting it in, I know how hard it is to take off the exhausted housewife hat and put on the sultry wife hat. But tonight maybe you could surprise your hubby with the pre-kid wife. Then you can slip back into your flannel pjs and spoon.

You can find all the Marriage, Unwrapped posts here

Comments

  1. this is a great post and SO TRUE! thanks for writing.

  2. “It is really hard to connect with each other on a physical level when the emotional intimacy is missing.” Yes! Which is why, ESPECIALLY in the busy seasons, we MUST MAKE TIME. When I do make time, the rest of EVERYTHING we do and say and ARE… is better. :)

  3. Thank you- THANK you- for giving both men and women more credit through your words here. I grow so weary of being told “men need more sex– you must give it to them! That’s how to be a good wife, after all!” Maybe… but I don’t think so. I know for sure I’m a BETTER wife when I sincerely want and enjoy my husband.

  4. Good post. I thought the part about your husband being a herculean sexual dynamo was right on the money.

  5. Preach it, sistah!

    Wait…didn’t you just say that to ME????
    Robin Dance ~ PENSIEVE recently posted…Privacy, protection and respectMy Profile

  6. Great post. It’s so easy to let life get in the way.
    Thank you for the gentle reminder!
    Jennifer recently posted…MilestonesMy Profile

  7. I think this is good advice. As a couple that uses a natural method of family planning and abstains during my fertile times, it is an especially sensitive area of our marriage. We have to be very mindful of our emotional connection because there are times when intimacy is not an option, at least not in a general sense.
    nicole recently posted…The WellMy Profile

  8. My SIL once said that you don’t really have a sex life if it’s only for one person. And it’s so true. It’s should bring the marriage life for both people. While men supposedly want it more than women, I don’t have any girlfriends who would say that they’d love if it was all about their husbands and not at all about them. Quite opposite!
    Sarah recently posted…Leaving Behind the GrumblingMy Profile

  9. It’s an interesting to discussed about marriage. I must agree too that it is nice advice. Being a couple that uses a natural method of family planning and abstains during my fertile times, it is an especially sensitive section of our marriage. We need to be very mindful in our emotional connection as there are occasions when intimacy is not an option, at least not inside a general sense.
    Jill recently posted…How to Make Him Fall in Love With YouMy Profile

  10. I completely agree! It can be so difficult to find time to be intimate with your partner or spouse when you have such a busy life. I don’t have children yet, but even now it can be difficult to find time to spend with my husband let alone to have meaningful sex. Fantastic post, so true!

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