I mentioned in my last marriage post that September was tough on the old marriage. We were so busy that I feel like a month went by without us having a meaningful conversation or connection. And (look away mom) it took a toll on our “romantic time” as well.
It is really hard to connect with each other on a physical level when the emotional intimacy is missing. I mean you can just perform the act, but I think that leaves you…… well as my hubby would say, “It is like Chinese food. You can finish your meal, but you just want more an hour later.” It just doesn’t satisfy.
I think sex should be like really dark chocolate and a glass of Cabernet. It should be something you savor and when you have finished your glass and square of chocolate it is exactly what you needed. (again mom, seriously stop reading)
If you have read any book about marriage you know that sex is a major need for men. But I think for a long time I believed that as long as we were having sex, any sex, that that need was being met. It didn’t matter if I was particularly into it. It didn’t matter if we were emotionally connected. All that mattered was that he was getting “his sex.”
What a lie! Our husbands want to have sex with us for the same reasons we want to have sex with them. To feel a sincere connection (well and also to have some fun at the same time). Our husbands don’t want to play the role of beggar who gets thrown some pity sex from time to time. They want to be wanted the same way we want to be wanted.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to fit sex in when the kids have been clawing at you all day. And if you are fitting it in, I know how hard it is to take off the exhausted housewife hat and put on the sultry wife hat. But tonight maybe you could surprise your hubby with the pre-kid wife. Then you can slip back into your flannel pjs and spoon.